CONDITIONAL LOVE

THE NEED TO BE LOVE

The second major fear that holds us back, undermines our confidence, and its expression our desire for a happy life is the fear of rejection and its expression, criticism. The is emotions is learned in early childhood as the result of our parents expressing disapproval of us whenever we do something they don't like, or don't do something that they expect. As a result of our displeasing them , they become an angry and withdraw the love and approval we need so much as children. The fear of being unloved and alone is so traumatic for a child that she soon conforms her behavior to do whatever she thinks her parents will approve of. she lose her spontaneity and uniqueness she begins to think, 'i have to do whatever mommy and Daddy want me to, or they won't love me and i'll be all alone!"
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CONDITIONAL LOVE

As an adult, a child raised with what is called "conditional love"( as opposed to unconditional love, the greatest gift one person can give to another) becomes hypersensitive to the opinions of others. In its extreme form, he can not do anything if there is the slightest chance that someone else may not approve. He projects his childhood relationship with his parent onto the important people in his adult life-spouse, boss, relative, friends, authority figures-and tires desperately to earn their approval, or at least not lose it. The fears of failure and rejection, caused by destructive criticism in early childhood, are the root causes of most of our unhappiness and anxiety as adults. We feel, "I can't!" or "I have to!"continually. The worst feeling is when we feel, "I can't, but I have to!" or "I have to, but I can't!" We want to do something, but we are afraid of failure or lose, or if we are not afraid of loss, we are afraid of disapproval. We want to do something to improve our lives , at work or at home, but we are afraid that we may fail, or that someone else may criticize us, or both. For most people their fear govern their lives. Everything they do is organized around avoiding failure or criticism. They think continually about playing it safe, rather than striving for their goals. They seek security rather than opportunity.()

THE WAY YOU SEE YOURSELF

The second part of your self- concept is your self-image.This is the way you see yourself and think about yourself. It is often called your "inner mirror". It is where you look internally to see how you should behave in a particular situation. Because of the power of your self-image, you always perform on the outsideconsistent with the picture you have of yourself on the inside.()

HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF

The third part of your self concept is your self esteem . this is the emotional component of your personality, and it's the most important factor in determining how you think, feel, and behave. Your level of self esteem largely determines much of what happens to you in lif.
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