I truly believe this now, and understand it.
"Love thine enemy"
First, the more cynical version of understanding that is still useful, is that without deeply comprehending your enemy, you can't defeat them. Yes it's scary, and the possibility that you might become them, exists, but why defeat something that you truly don't understand? You're only at a disadvantage.
So not a badwill strawman understanding of your enemy. A precise one. One where he would agree with you, if you theoretically reiterate it to him.
Might even turn out you don't have to defeat him? That's a possibility.
But the second one has more long term potential. Once you understand your enemy, it's very easy to create a bridge. A contact relay that may eventually harmonize.
I don't think that war has any future in space. The universe is so difficult to survive, the vacuum of space offers such a harsh environment, species that war with each other are not trans-solar. Let alone intergalactic.
Charles Stross, one of my favourite hard scifi writers (he's a lefty and deeply atheist afaik) wrote about a battle in space, between these more primitive humanoids and a strange hyperadvanced species. The war lasted very short since the hyperadvanced species just absorbed all the energy of the weapons fired at them and appreciated the gift.
War may be needed now, but there are way better ways to communicate with each other once we remove some barriers.