What is love?

What is love? - the whole world is asking this question. Unfortunately, no one will answer this question exactly. Love, it can be different ... For the first time I fell in love, more accurately showed sympathy for the couple, about twelve. Probably, it was children's love, then no one understood what would happen in a few years ...

I went home, and cried, at school again I was offended, and I left the last lesson. When I approached the house, someone called me.

"Girl, why are you crying?" the unfamiliar guy asked.

I just looked up, and asked to leave me alone.

Then, I began to notice him more often, the days passed, I learned that we live in the same house. Some time passed, I began to watch him more often, to go out into the street, at that time he was about 17-18 years old. I do not know for sure. Summer began, and everything went on, I sat on the swing, and waited for him ... He looked at me, and I looked at him. Our views came across, he smiled, and I looked away, embarrassed.

That's how my summer of 2012 passed. Everyone told me that it would pass, it would dislike ... You know, I'm only for now !!!

Autumn came, I do not like it - it's the time of the year. The study began, and he abruptly disappeared, as we did not communicate with him, I did not know where he was gone. With friends with him, I also did not communicate, every day I looked out the window and waited for him. He had a car. I stopped sleeping at night, sat at the window and waited for him, worried. Then he came, I was so happy, jumped around the house, my eyes glowed. Well, then he left again. To say that it was hard for me. Better not say anything. It was hard for me. Every day I waited for him, lived with hope, and experienced, and suddenly what. Then there were nightmares, I did not sleep well. He came and went, but every time I was glad of his arrival.

Autumn has passed. It's winter, new year. He came, and there was a whole January here. We also met with our eyes, he smiled, and still looked embarrassed. January passed, he again left, February came, I hate him. Then I gave up, for which I curse myself now. I wrote to him, and he just took it and stupidly threw it into the emergency. And I just tried to talk. I already thought that I invented everything for myself, that I had gone mad. What does not like the outward appearance.

At school, I was a lard, called a lot, worried about it, well, I could not stand it, and tried to commit suicide. It did not work, and even now it seems to me that it was a cry of the soul ... probably ... but then I did not understand it. I also lived, got up in the morning, went to school, came home, did homework, cried, and sleepless nights.

Spring, as I used to love her, because it was in April that I met him, he came, and everything went on the same, every day, looks, smiles, but no use. With the spring, summer flew by, I fell in love with him every time I saw. And every time more and more ... In the summer everything is also, every day looks, smiles, he looks at me I'm at him. Already the girlfriends began to say that he was looking at me ... because I thought that I had thought of myself ... but it turned out quite differently.

Then he tried to approach me. And I was a fool running from him, he began to wait near the entrance to me, I went in and he too ... it was summer, we did not communicate. Autumn came. He left, I was left alone, he came, but I did not always see him. It was very bad, I again waited for him, did not sleep ... then his older brother returned, a car that I could understand here or not, now was always in my review, he left it, and he left.

Winter was difficult, spring of 2014 came. Hmm, strange, in May, in the last days, the number 25, he sat next to me, waited for me when I came home, and together we went to the entrance. He was smiling, and I was also embarrassed ... he spent two hours next to me, waited, but he did not come up. I just sat next to him and looked.

And on June 1, I found out that he had a girlfriend, but did not believe it. There was a hope in the soul that these were just rumors. But it turned out that this is not so .. July 1, I saw it, she was sitting in the car, and I was going home, my friend and I saw them, I went home. I was so hurt, there was a void in my soul, a desire to disappear, to destroy myself. I did not like myself, because of appearance, so also this. I understood that he owed me nothing. But I already loved him, and he ... no ... then I died, both mentally and physically ...

I was barely saved. I did not go out for a long time, my friends dragged me out, and I saw him, and I cried again. She went on a hunger strike, refused everything, brought herself to the point of fainting because of malnutrition.

In the autumn, my grandmother died, and unfortunately only then did I realize that something that hurt me, because of him - it's empty. If I love him, he should be happy, healthy. Though without me ... I began to live only this ... But unfortunately, I realized it very late. And she began to blame herself. I realized that the death of your relatives to you people is much worse, much more painful, but too late to understand ... in the winter, I went on a diet, took care of myself, began to lose weight. And I did it very well when he arrived in the spring, I already took off ten kilograms, he looked at me with the same eyes, and I did not even give in mind that I know him.

Summer came, I paid little attention to it, but when I remembered it was getting hurt ... and he still looked at me. Now I'm in 9th grade, I'm 16 years old, and already almost 4 years old, as I still love him. I know there is no love here, it's simple, it's already a disease. And so, 2016, I do not blame him, we tried to talk to each other, but I do not understand him. He also looks, but is afraid of something. I waited a long time for him, I thought it would be mutual. And in the end she received unrequited love, which no one needs. But you know, I do not regret that I fell in love with him, that I experienced feelings, but there was a lot of pain. And the fact that I wrote this is a multiple. But he taught me to be strong, to achieve happiness, even though it is silent. I learned to live without him, I became more beautiful, for him. Yes, and he appreciated it. Yes, I never got a normal answer from him, but when I remember, I understand that I still need him ... maybe it's not love in your way. Maybe everyone has their own ... But I still feel feelings for him, but even if we are not together, I wish him happiness, health and love.

In this world, the main thing is to remain human. What is it? Love? Or just a dream, it's up to you :)