The Reasonable Girl In His Heart

This is the story of my best friend ...

"Jeng, I love you."
The girl named Ajeng was just smiling. "Mmm, okay. Then, what do you love about me? My beauty? My achievement? My body? My abilities and talents? Or what?"
"Well, your question is patronizing, as if the one I love from you is just the beauty of your body or your talents," I said, though I confess in my heart that the advantages also made me fall in love with her.
"So what?"
"The one I love? Yes, you are, a whole Ajeng, along with all its advantages and disadvantages. "
He laughed, "Well, your answer is so high." Then, with a little teasing, he again asks, "Mmm, anyway, what are my shortcomings you know?"
"Uh, ngg, what is it? Mmm ... "
"Why, really confused? If you do not know what my shortcomings are, how can you love me completely, as you say? "
"Not so, Jeng. Well, his name is also in love. It seems that your shortcomings are all understandable. "
"So, love makes you able to turn your eyes away from my shortcomings? Wow, you are being blinded by love dong? Then how can you know for sure that I am the one you love when you are blind now? "

The question is sharp, but his voice and gaze are so soft. Instead of feeling attacked, I was driven to optimize my reason for answering his question.

"Fine. I'll try to answer it. Your shortcomings? Mmm, first, less high, tend to be easy to stress, tend to want to be perfect, less relaxed, mmm, less tidy ... "
He laughed and showed the two dimples on his cheeks, very sweet. "It turns out you care too! Then, if you know that I have many shortcomings, how can you fall in love with me? "
Ouch, it's hard to express love to this reasoning girl! "In other words, what you're asking is why I love you, is that so?"

Ouch, it's hard to express love to this reasoning girl! "In other words, what you're asking is why I love you, is that so?"
The sweet thing in front of me was just smiling. I smiled too. "Need an excuse? I do not know what human reason to hate each other. But to love each other, is it a reason? "Suddenly the words I had read from a comic just slipped out of my mouth.
"Yes, Damar," he said with a smile, "your answer is exactly right. Love does not need an excuse. But love can not just come out, will it? "
"Does that mean that I have to tell each other a match between us? Or I just answered that I love you because you feel you fit in? "
"Hmm. So you fall in love with me because you feel right with me? Ah, it feels really like clothes, if it is suitable to buy? Means, if it's not suitable, I dumped dong? "
"Well, that's your interpretation. Do not blame me for your own misinterpretations. "
"Then what does 'fit' fit you?"
"To me, matching is the same in principle, but rather different in terms of implementation. In terms of view of life, we are the same. But in terms of attitudes and habits, we are somewhat different. And that's why we can complement each other. "
"But that still does not diminish your chances of keeping me back, does it?"
"You mean?"
"What are you going to do when the time my life principle changes and no longer matches you? Do you no longer love me? "
I smiled, either to calm her down, or to calm myself. "No, Ajeng. Even when your principles of life change and no longer match me, I will still love you. "
"How come?"
"Because, what I love is you completely, not just the principle of your life."
He laughed. "Well, did not you say that you love me because it suits me?"

Shit! Why go back to the beginning again anyway? I am annoyed, but also agree with his question. Geez, this is how it seems that if you fall in love with a reasonable girl, to express love to him also needs reason.

"So?"
I sighed. "Ajeng ..."
"Yes?"
"… May I ask?"
Again he just gave his sweet smile.
"How important are all these conversations to you? Is it so important for you to know why I love you? Can not you just tell me whether you love me or not, just like the girls in general? "
"Girls in general?" Her voice suddenly rising, "Ooo, is that so ?! So you asked me to be a girl in general, right? ... "
"Eh, not so ..."
"... Yes, just express your love-sincerely to the 'girl in general' ..."
"... Ajeng, just a minute ..."
"... wrong name if you tell me. He said you loved me completely? Kok now ... "
"Ajeng!" I snapped. He was shocked. I was also shocked. We paused for a moment, then I continued, "I'm sorry, yelled at you. I, ... I do not mean to compare you with other girls. You are different, and that is what makes me love you. It's just ... "I broke off. I'm confused how
wrap it up.

In front of me, the beautiful girl named Ajeng looked at me with a piercing stare, as if mocking me to finish my sentence.

"... it's just ...," I say, trying to formulate what's on my mind.
"It's just what !?"
"It's just that I do not know what makes me love you. I can not answer your questions anymore. My reasoning can not. My mind is dead-end. All I know is one, that I love you-whether this will satisfy you or not. "I poured out my ass. I admit my inability.

My feelings become more calm. In front of me, his gaze softened, but still sharp.

"I love you, Ajeng. The problem now is ..., "I sighed," ... do you also love me? "With heavy, I asked the question that had been propped up in my heart,
"Damar," he said quietly, "do you know why I wanted so much to know why you love me?"
I paused, half thought, half because I was lazy to reason. Finally I said, "Do not know."
He smiled again. His sharp eyes were now shaded. Gently, he said, "Because I love you too."

It took me a while to digest the words. He loves me? Supposedly, his words are just words that are really happy for me. However, to be honest, right now I'm not really happy. There was a little bit of annoyance in my heart. Why the hell does he have trouble confessing his feelings?

"So you also love me, Ajeng?"
"Yes," she replied simply. We fell silent, deep in our feelings. Then, he went on, "Therefore, Damar, I ask very, answer my question. What makes you love me? "

Hah! Even love can not defeat the reason !? I do not know whether to be proud or have to feel sorry for him. I really can not understand his thinking.

"Ajeng, I love you. I really love you. But, sorry, my reason has reached its limit. I can no longer continue this conversation. Goodbye! "I then turned and left, leaving him.
"Damar!" Half shouting, he called me. My steps stopped. I'm confused what to do. I certainly do not want to leave her who also loves me. But to be honest, I'm annoyed, why did not he just obey his conscience and stop asking? I take a breath and try to calm down, then I slowly turn around and face the girl.

Her gaze clung to me, made me realize how annoyed and disappointed she was, either to me, either to this situation, or to herself. His eyes that had been shaded, now tears. Nevertheless, he kept trying to be calm and graceful. Seeing his attitude like this, my annoyance slightly faded. Heavily, the girl in front of me then continued, "Do you really no longer want to answer my question?"



I took a breath. I tried to organize my heart while composing words.
"Ajeng, if you already know that I and you both love, is still so important my answer for you? Is not the knowledge that we love each other enough to make us possess each other? "

He was silent, but I understood what he meant.

"Ajeng, I'm sorry. I can not continue this conversation anymore. If you love me ... "I try to find the right words," ... pray that someday, I can give you a satisfactory answer ... so we can have each other. "Then, slowly and slowly, I said, Goodbye, Ajeng. "

Having said that, I left him. My eyes filled with tears. I think his eyes were teary. But I do not know. What I feel now I do not know. What I know for sure is that I'm not at all happy right now. I really feel unhappy.
Unconsciously, tears began to drip. I immediately wiped it away. Well, though sad, it is also a prayer in my heart: hopefully someday I can really satisfy your question, Ajeng.

Unfortunately, God wants another. A few days after telling me about his experience, my best friend became the victim of the traffic of the capital. He caught his fellow motorcyclists and hit a road safety fence. His favorite Vespa was wrinkled, so was his body. After three days of being hospitalized, my best friend died.

On the day of his funeral, the sweet girl named Ajeng was also present. He remains as calm and elegant as my best friend tells me. After the ceremony ended, he looked closely at the tomb of my best friend, probably like the last time he looked into my friend's eyes. Only, now his eyes full of tears.

Although not so familiar, I then ventured to comfort him. We embrace and strengthen each other. Then, either by coincidence or because he knew that I knew his conversation with my best friend, he said to me, "I mean only one, that he loves me with all my heart and full of reason, just as I love him ..." He sighed and regretted , he continued, "But alas, he does not understand what I mean ..." After saying so, the sweet girl excused herself and went home.

Took him away with my eyes. Ah, how unfortunate you are! The reasoning girl in his heart has given my heart and reason to my best friend for the sake of his love. But unfortunately, my best friend just expect his heart and not ready to accept his reason ...

"Ice will melt because of its own water"
"You can deny your love, you can deny yourself, you can run away with all the strength .. but you will live and die with the same love."