I spoke with X and I told her that I don't believe in a blind version of love, that love is a force within my control. She laughed and said to have this conversation later. Speaking with people around 60, I believe they learnt something about life that enable them to direct life's obstacles with calm. Yet consciousness is not necessarily a thing understood by old people, if they understood they wouldn't have walked the path they walked. Because who deliberately makes a mistake to deliberately stunt one's life? In Chinese literature there's a long history and many sayings written, but in spite of history no Chinese person actually understand the global state of consciousness. If a single person did understand, they would also understand how to practically stop the wave, and if he/she understood the consequences of not stopping, stopping will become his/her highest priority. So I am not without caution and slight trepidation when pondering the seed of consciousness I implanted myself with. X's response only reaffirms my urgency to understand the seed as myself, if I understand I would stop and stop a lot of tumultuous life events of which love falls into that category. Praise and criticism both startle, love and hate both cause an imbalance that overrides common sense.
Being elders, they talk about human resources according to country, for example people that are smart in Shenzhen are probably smarter than smart people in Hong Kong (because of the environment that requires to be directed and the standard of people that in short, are selfish). I hear this and it amounts to a modern fairytale and myth being told, but it is fact that a lot more conflicts and fraud and crime transpires in Shenzhen compared to Hong Kong. A lot more conflicts of interests exist within the laws and economy of Shenzhen than Hong Kong though. The point is knowing others like doing it by country, is cleverness, knowing yourself is strength. Why haven't the cutting edge of our technology people haven't solved the human crisis that is silently abounding and not being reported, and not being measured? It's easy to see it's because no one knows the extent of the human problem that has existed since civilization. I'm not interested in growing cleverness in me, I'm interested in growing strength; I'm interested in knowing myself more than knowing others. Because my life proved to me that I am my greatest obstacle, disaster, temptation, potential, but it's unknown whether I am living that potential and more unknown as to the extent.
If people that lived the better half of their lives basically smirked at my view of love, I got to be more careful. The seed is superior to what I am able to conceptualize, but it's me, I have a responsibility to work to understand and become equal to me. The choice of not doing the work is to allow this seed to unfold regardless of the original intent of the creator of it, needless to say I'm inferior to my own creation but it's all me and mine, my responsibility. So for example, if I don't want to fulfill the prophecy implied by X - that I will be blinded by love - I got to work effectively not just work, but work effectively with results I can measure and document. That means keeping a diary related to my relationship to love and actually testing the point to extremes. Because the definition of love suggested by X acts according to a polarity. And I won't know what I'll do until I actually immerse myself in the circumstances and a moment's response will expose to me and the world, who I really am. Eerie laughter.