The love of my life

Do you ever have the feelling that when you meet someone, you just know that they are going to be really important in your life. Maybe they are the love of your life? Your Soulmate?

I just had this experience. I met her during a vacation in Croatia with my family. Her and my family already where friends and knew each other very well. My crush and I really hit it off. But there was a big problem. She already had a boyfriend. Although it wasn't a healthy relationship and i knew for sure i could give her everything she ever wanted. We still had a great time. We spend all days together and every evening we went to drink cocktails at the local bar. After the holidays we kept on keeping contact. I just knew we were in love, although it was forbidden i couldn't handle my feelings. I never felt so much love before in my whole life. And it may sound a little naieve but i was certain that she would break with her boyfriend and spend the rest of her life with me. But that was just a dream for now.

A couple of months after the holidays our families came together. I was nervous and i had a great weekend with her. You really could feel the attraction between us. She's just so great and beautiful. I just want her to be mine. Too bad she still had a boyfriend. The reason though she wouldn't break up with him is because she doesn't want to hurt. It was more complicated then that but i try to keep it simple.

A couple of week went on and i got an 'We need to talk" text. I felt it coming. She said she wasn't in love with me anymore. That it was just a crush. I was just sad and devestated. I told myself that it was just a summer fling. Nothing special. After that we just radio silence for a little while. Sometimes we talked, just small talk.

Half a year later i got the text of lifetime. She was going to break up with her boyfriend and was going to visit me after that. I could describe what if felt. After all that time i wasn't able to shake off my feelings for her. Everyday i thought about her. All the things a wanted to do with her. I still had the hope that she would change her mind about me. I knew for sure there was something between us. At that moment i've got confirmation. She still liked me very much and she even told me she loved me. When she came for a weekend we had just a great time. I took her on a date to the movies. I felt like she was my girlfriend in some way. We kissed and did other stuff. We also fought about our future. She wasn't ready to be in a new relationship to fast. Maybe that's true, but i felt like she was scared to start something with me. Don't get me wrong i scared as fuck to start a relationship, but i just give it try. That was the end of that. We just kept being friends but sporadic contact.

During the next holiday with my and her family was really fucked up. It was like she was avoiding me and was totally a different person. I really didn't liked that version of her. She was needy and craving for attention. She even wanted to set me up with a friend of hers. This was the worst vacation ever.

I just was a little pissed off. You could say i hated for a while. Until the time she contacted me out of nowhere with all the signals that she wanted me "back". She even said that she wanted me and still had feelings for me . During this time i was handing out with an other girl. Just platonic. But I really still had the feelings for my summer crush. So i went with a couple of friends for the weekend to her house. To talk things out. Turns out she didn't want me at all. That's what she said. I was furious every fucking i try to start things off with she turned me down. Everytime she gives me the signals and says things i get hurt. Later it turned out she just didn't want to interupt the thing that was going on with this other girl. Even though i got a relationship with that girl she dumped me a year later. I don't blame her. I still was in love with my summer crush. My summer crush has an relationship right now and he's a real douche.

I don't even bother right now to date other woman. I don't have the time for it and no one will give me the feellings my summer crush gives me. I still have contact with and still hit it off. I know when i look into her eyes i see that she still has feelings for me. I just know that in my lifetime we will end up together.

(I'm from the Netherlands and don't write a lot of stuff in english so don't be to harsh on me for my english skills. Hope it's readable)