12 Reasons Men Suck at Online Dating

My qualifications

As a woman who has received hundreds of messages from men on Ok Cupid and who has also talked with many other women about the types of awful messages they get from men on a daily basis I'm going to share some common reasons why no one is responding to your messages.

1. You suck at sending introductory messages

Saying “Hi - how are you?” or “Hey beautiful” or anything along those lines will almost certainly get you ignored. Women typically receive dozens of messages like that so they almost always get instantly ignored.

The best intro messages are unique to the person you are sending them to. It’s super easy to tell if you are using a generic message you’ve sent out to every woman you're slightly attracted to. Most men don't realize just how many messages they get from men on a daily basis. You have to find some way of standing out from the crowd.

Try to find something of interest in their profile and comment on it. Ask an open-ended question. Ask an interesting question. Show that you have something in common. Try not to compliment them on their physical beauty - show you are interested in their mind and personality.

2. Your profile is boring

Is your profile sparse, boring, or indicate that you are a perfectly average person? Then you’re unlikely to have success.

In order to be successful with online dating you need to demonstrate value. Do you have any talents? Have you accomplished anything worthwhile? Do you have a good job or career?

Avoid generic personality descriptors like “I’m laid back, love to laugh, and just like to chill.” No one cares that you’re easy-going or like to go out with friends. Show that you are unique and would make an interesting conversational partner.

3. You are boring

This connects with point (2). If your profile is boring it’s often an indicator that you are a boring, uninteresting person. If you have no interesting hobbies, talents, or activities that you engage in you are going to have a hard time being successful with online dating.

If the only thing you have going for you is you like to get black out drunk and watch ESPN - chances are few women will be interested in going out with you.

The first rule of internet dating is be interesting. Develop yourself. Work on yourself. Find something you are passionate about. Become an expert at something. Get excited about the world.

4. You suck at selfies

I can’t tell you how many guys are just terrible with their selfie skills. If you can’t even bother to take a high-quality picture with good lighting at a flattering angle why should anyone bother responding to your message?

5. You’re not attractive

I’m sad to say this one is true. The more attractive you are the more successful you will be at internet dating.

Lucky for you, however, is that a lot of attraction is not just based on your genetic fate. Things are can do to improve your attractiveness:

1. Be hygienic. If you have a beard keep it trimmed. Wash your hair and condition it.
2. Have a sharp sense of style appropriate for your age. Wear nice clothes. Notice how I didn’t say wear expensive clothes. Nice clothes can be found at the thrift store if you know what to look for.
3. Be physically fit. Show that you care about your body.

6. You’re a creeper

A good rule of thumb is to imagine your mom read every message you send. Would she approve? If not, reconsider sending it. Being sexually explicit or sexually forward is very likely to get you ignored or blocked.

A cousin of creepiness is moving too fast. If you do get a friendly response but you are too quick to make creepy, sexually forward comments you are probably gonna get ignored.

7. You are using “pick up artist” tactics like negging

Just don’t. Women can see right through that kind of stuff and it makes you look like a douchebag.

8. U tlk like a 13 yr old t3en lol

Use proper grammar and complete English sentences. Proofread your message before hitting send. Put some effort into your sentence construction.

9. You are cheesy

I’m sorry but cheesy pick-up lines don’t work in real-life and they don’t work with online dating either.

10. Your message is entirely focused on the physical attractiveness of the woman

Rule of thumb: if your message includes the word “hot” and it’s not referring to the weather you’re probably going to get ignored.

11. Your message rambles on and on and on

Keep it short. Not too short though. Or if it is short make it interesting. But don’t write paragraphs and paragraphs gushing your eternal love. No one has time for that and it makes you look pathetic.

12. You’re too pushy

Know your boundaries.