The Pacific

The silence of the four corners of the room echoed back on my wandering soul. I was thinking too deeply, very,very deep. I was thinking of what is going to happen to me now. I was thinking of how am I going to cope up with solitude. I was thinking of the days that I am so happy. I was thinking of the time that I get mad. I was thinking of that rainy afternoon when I met you. Yes, I was thinking of you, these feelings that I am feeling when I’m with you. I almost taught that the day when we bade goodbye is the last day that I am going to see you. But I was wrong. I met you not once or twice but countless times. And now that we are getting closer together, I believe that our meet up will not just last today, but forever, continually. The pacific that separates us apart is slowly narrowed by technology. I could say that there is a mutual feeling between us that fuels the bridge in the ocean between you and me. I admit I miss you and I don’t expect that I will be missing you. The feeling of happiness that I felt when you call me, the feeling of jealousy that I succumbed when you will not text me, these feelings haunt me not on day nor night but on every minute and seconds that I breathe the earthly air. I love the feeling that is why I say that I am afraid to love you and please teach me to hate you. I don’t want to be addicted to anything unless it is you.

However, I can see a downcast sky on the far corner of my assumed paradise. It is dark, dark with hatred and vengeance and deceit. As dark as the anger being kept for a long time in somebody’s heart. What does it say? What would it bring upon us? Until now, I still cannot discern your motive of doing this. I can still feel with my bare hands the scar in your heart done with the last failed relationships. And with me, I still have in my hand the idiotic and principle-based side of me. The one who always guard my emotions to anybody and always looks for the wrong in everything I saw. These emotions cannot coexist with our drawn happiness. I know that this only exist in our imagination and I would like to imagine it as long as I can. And I wish to make the most out of it until it last. This may not be forever but I want to exist in its dazzling and fleeting space. I wish I can say this. I wish to love.