According to etymologyonline.com LOVE (noun) means:
Old English lufu "feeling of love; romantic sexual attraction; affection; friendliness; the love of God; Love as an abstraction or personification," from Proto-Germanic 'lubo (source also of Old High German liubi "joy," German Liebe "love;" Old Norse, Old Frisian, Dutch lof; German Lob "praise;" Old Saxon liof, Old Frisian liaf, Dutch lief, Old High German liob, German lieb, Gothic liufs "dear, beloved"). The Germanic words are from PIE root 'leubh- "to care, desire, love."
What struck me is that this definition includes “praise”,
but knowing that this word first was used around 900 we are reminded that nothing was very much personal back then, and the idea of pairing romance and sexual attraction is a very modern concept.
The sense of “fondness and liking” is introduced in the thirteenth century. Gradually love becomes attached to less divine aspirations and sinks its teeth into the material world, whith the phrase for love or money attested from 1580s. For those of you who have ‘em, blame it on the hippies, for “love-handles” is from 1967.
Since it is Three Kings today, I am in the giving mood,
and with little to give by way of material goods, I dug deep into my heart and found love. It came out in a little envelope of Proto-Germanic *lubojanan, as a verb, meaning "to feel love for, cherish, show love to; delight in, approve." It is the kind of love that sees and says: it is good.
It is good that people share and care and are in it for the long haul. I find this exemplified (very simply) in my discovery of the free photo download site, Unsplash (thanks to @honeydue )and the sponsored (largely)free-tutorial site Patreon. Probably all old-hat for the seasoned Steemian, but for me a delight to behold.
This photo and the couple below are by Animesh Basnet on Unsplash. Such borrowing from and referring to other platforms is something I always hoped would come natural to Steemians, weaving the loose strands that are worth while seeing on this web-planet together into one shiny tapestry.
I read on a blog site, Medium.com in a blog, entitled The One Thing That Breaks Any Marriage
"once you’re retired, your parents are gone, the kids have lives of their own — you’ll still have each other."
And
"marriage is so great, it provides you with a partner to help you weather [all the crises]"
I pondered this for a while and decided, yes, what the heck! wouldn’t that be sweet! It is getting a bit bleak for me now: kid hardly ever home; parents falling to pieces in their crumbling house. Only I don’t see myself going out (or staying in to swipe) to find myself the right guy. It is unlikely that I will meet a suitable gal, either (I think the power of some sort of definitive opposite attraction still comes into play for those under seventy, even if a vibrant sex-life might not).
The author of aforementioned blog posits: “The problem starts when anything and everything life throws at you becomes bigger and more important than your marriage.”
I wouldn’t mind finding myself a true Romantic, after all, if there be such a thing as Courtly Romance, and the couple makes for the ultimate dream-team. Where better to do the Work of light and love than in a stable, safe environment which matrimony could provide. A place where you get to restore and recover, and don’t get so run down so quickly by the shouting over the fence from your neighbour.
Photo by Boris Smokrovic on Unsplash
Fence wars.
Talking of which. Good grief! The problem with having a tiny plot of land to call your own in an inner city is that it comes with neighbours. In my case I share boundaries with four parties at the back. Currently my fences are in shambles but organising a solution to please all is taking me years. All that domestic grief aside, my year started sourly when I struck while the iron was hot, meaning to underscore my New Year’s resolution to resolve the delapidation before the Spring sun would bring us all back out into our yards.
No sooner had morning broken on 1st January, when I caught a rare sight: my neighbour at the back was clipping away at her evergreens. I took the opportunity to leap out and shout a Happy New Year! over the fence and inquire if she was in for a new one? But she glowered at me and told me to get lost with my stupid idea. It turns out she had been in a feud with me (if I not with her) for a decade.
That was how long we hadn’t talked, but to me that never implied that we were no longer on friendly terms. How often do you bump into the ones at the back? Apparently my declining to put up new fences back then was the cause for her animosity.
NO, she would not take part in my project, consider communal boundaries, share costs, and talk to landscapers. She had put up the fence ten years ago, by herself (plus hubby) and was now all alone, penniless, overworked and in no mood to help me get in touch with her neighbours. I almost forgot about the dingy fences (technically on her boundary, but definitely over 20 years old, from before I moved in) and felt like weeping for her life.
All the misunderstandings (not) to one side and the new prospect of having to put up double instead of shared fences doesn’t bear thinking (I imagine one of our lackadaisical, fat neighbourhood cats ending up trapped in between while the rats continue racing through these perfect alley-ways, their lives have never been made more luxurious, with a nibble of dead cat en route!) I spent the whole miserable first day of 2019 analysing what had gone wrong.
I ended up blaming her divorce (around 9 years ago); but then, quickly, ended up again at the fence: which possibly had caused unbearable tensions in their home. The final shove. I tried again and ended up at the beginning: with her marriage. What a pedantic oaf that dude was: always wittering away on his phone in the garden (which she never ever sits in) being ultra self-important. (Looks like she’s got a new one though, from what I can descry from my window….No, I am not like the woman from that – rather long-winded- book: see →) So I end up bemoaning the little we learn from the little we love.
If there ever was a time for forgiveness, acceptance and letting go,
here it presented itself in my neighbour’s wrath and stubborn refusal to cooperate. Her brute obstinance (and no few allegations of my ill-will) was an attack, but it meant to defend a fragile heart. How can somebody bear a grudge for that long? Poor thing. Am I to blame?
You cannot be on the fence with this one
It is fundamentally (again) all about a lack of (self-)love.
I fear my neighbour hates herself. I could try and help her intensify that hatred by taking her hostility personally but I know how this would only run up a huge karmic tab for her, for it is untrue to blame me for the way she feels. I am barely even involved in the direct cause. I have become fenced in by her resentment by proximity alone: like mothers are the punching-bags for their children. I must be mild and forgiving. For such situations there is always the law to fall back on: just measure out what is mine and what is thine and demand each take responsibility for one's own.
A story to reflect, for sure. It made me think of Robert Frost's Mendign Walls
Reagardless of our idea of "bother", "interfere", or "messing up", walls or fences remind us of the limit or distance we should always keep between us. Often times, in the name of fraternal love and the oneness that should characterize all human interactions, we try to foster borderless spaces, but that does not seem to work well with human wiring.
We know we may be isolating ourselves, depriving ourselves from learning from and helping others, and yet...
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Such a supportive reply! Too true about fences making for more than markers in what you already possess; they make for more than exercises in neither spilling over nor holding fast: they offer opportunities for encounter at that fence and asking permission to enter through the gate we should always provide in any boundary we set to protect our own best interests.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Hi sukhasanasister,
Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Only earlier I left my girlfriend a voice message in which I expressed an opinion about the "praise". Praise is a kind of manipulation for me. It is an evaluation. By its very nature, this is little suitable for expressing love. Therefore I equate love with encouragement and inspiration. Love for what does you good and what you are good at. Mitfreude. To rejoice with someone about something, be it his laughter, a success, a refreshing affair. My joy has been somewhat affected by the holidays. I had the impression that I had to give attention to too many people. I felt penetrated by immature narratives and by constantly having to praise someone. It is exhausting to have to tell adults that they have done this or that right, or to listen to them as they spread their business in endless speech. Too much food, alcohol and hollow entertainment. They are the love killers. I withdrew into my world and folded countless papers into origami figures. In the midst of my relatives I did my handicrafts and did not like to be disturbed. People around me have always been disturbed by the fact that I sat in the crowd and was still not approachable for anyone. My first boyfriend at the time, with whom I shared an apartment, was very annoyed to meet me sitting on the sofa reading in the evening, insensitive to his stories and needs that made me impatient and ungracious after a while.
With my man now, I love to talk on weekends in the morning hours. It is a time when we philosophize and talk about principles. This is my favorite time with him. Although we often talk controversially. That is the salt in our soup.
People who don't know what to do with themselves are bothering me. Their constant dependence on the attention of others and their superficial talking becomes more and more averse. But I probably see my own lack of self-love reflected in it and therefore feel anger. Why else should I be angry, if not that I recognize myself?
My ideal wish of a good togetherness is that everyone does what he is best at and all the talk about opinions is stopped. Teaching each other how to behave in social situations is nothing but trouble. So you usually act in the name of another (family member) without an order and you only get displeasure and incomprehension. But then I think: Well, conflicts cannot be avoided and they belong to it. Love? What is this other thing than having the tolerance that you don't always like what other people do or don't do?
But the less speeches involved, the better. I know that I cannot control my family. Because if I could, I would prescribe a project for everyone and assign them a task in which they get something creative to do and are satisfied with it when it is done.
No, it's really not your fault you didn't take care of the fence. You didn't ask for it, so you can't be responsible for it. Causes for the lack of cordiality of your neighbour are idle. All you can do is keep trying and waiting for her to return your kindness at some point. If not, then not. You can't change it. However, I have experienced with my neighbours that penetrating friendliness helps. I give them unasked leftover cakes or ask for favors with the conscious intention that this enriches the neighbourhood and that we don't always feel like strangers to each other. Put biscuits or something else in front of the door. She may respond with love at some point. Neighbourhoods only develop over many years as we know. You might think it's not worth the effort. Most of them never stay so long that an effect occurs. Nevertheless.
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit
Wonderful (and recognisable) musings.
I have come to the point at which I recognise maybe all of life, its sole intention is to let go of everything. This cannot be advocated out loud (young people need to connect and form social communities, hold on to ideals, dreams, ambitions), but clearly it becomes senseless when older folk cling to their opinions and dull habits....Especially in the infirm and very elderly (who practically refuse to die and wither forever) we see what an "evil" grip materialism has over us all. No tougher matter to scrape out of the system than personal thought! Worse than cannabis oil!
Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
Submit