I read a post by @amiramnoam yesterday that made me rage. I don't often rage, but when I do? I start typing. A lot. His post, titled "A few tips for the amateurs for good dates, how to attract the women on the other side of the table", was full of rather pretentious and ineffective advice for "amateurs" at "attracting" women. I replied to that post with quite a bit of anger, but now that I have calmed my tits down, I can give some insight in a post of my own.

You don't have to read the post linked above to benefit from my insight, but if you do - just know that I disagree with every single word. No offence, @amiramnoam , you know I love you.

Dating as a profession

First of all, I am not sure what the difference is between an amateur and a professional in this regard. To me, a person who treats relationships as a job and the number of women he had sex with as a kind of trophy, is a rather sad person. They may not go to sleep alone, but they are lonely and disconnected, often unable to have a stable relationship as they are on a constant race to add more conquests to their list.

I have yet to meet anyone who defined himself as a professional pickup "artist" and seemed happy. Some of them, having written bullshit guides and crappy best-sellers, ended up getting married and having kids at a younger age than most of their readers.

Does that mean they're "professionals"? Or perhaps, retired professionals? More importantly, what is it that made them stop skipping from one girl's bed to the next, and finding the love of their lives? My guess? They met someone they didn't perceive the way they perceive other potential partners.

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The simple truth

If you look around you, you might find that those who attract more female attention and achieve this so-called "success" with women are those who are generally more successful. You may claim that it is their overall success that attracts women, but I beg to differ. Women are drawn to power, but so are men. Women are drawn to money and luxury, but who isn't? Maybe buddhist monks.

Perhaps it is my perspective as pansexual that causes me to see relationships the way I do. My attraction is pretty gender-blind - I am attracted to people, not reproductive systems and so I date men, women and genderqueer persons. Perhaps that is why I wholeheartedly believe that:

To succeed with women, stop trying to succeed with WOMEN. Try succeeding with PEOPLE instead.

Just one little warning, though: this might make you a feminist by definition.

Now you might be thinking "But men and women are different!"

We are. Every woman is different, just as any man is different. There is no one recipe or magic trick to attracting women or men. Being attractive is about successfully drawing positive attention from those you want to attract.

Here is an example. Consider how you would interact with a person who was interviewing you for a magazine article. Now consider how you would interact with that person on a date, since they happen to be of the gender you are attracted to. You might think your goals are different in these situations, but they really aren't. Your goal is to impress the person sitting across from you. To interest, fascinate and draw in whoever you choose to whether you're trying to get a job or a blowjob.

(Image via Pixabay)

Why you should look past gender

One of the main reasons most pickup books and courses don't really work is that things aren't quite what they used to be. As gender norms shift and change, some find themselves lost in attempt to attract the attention of the opposite sex with outdated "tricks" and behaviors that might end up having unwanted consequences. Many miss them olden times when ladies were ladies and men were men, and the days when courting was a fairly straight-forward ritual, in which the women were usually passive and men aggressive.

Nostalgia is all good and fine, but times they are a-changing. If 100 years ago traits like aggression and physical strength were desirable in a male companion, more and more women today seek out men that are superior in intelligence and emotionally mature. Sure, we still like a man to be good-looking and fit, but looks or physical strength are not the traits necessary for overall success in 2018. So it's no wonder more and more women are looking to date sensitive nerds over macho bodybuilders.

(Image via Pixabay)

But aren't women still different from men because of biology?

No, we really aren't. We're not some magical riddle wrapped in an enigma and our farts smell as bad as yours. We're people, just like you, except our hormonal balance is different. And you know what? While you're sitting there, on your first date, wondering what to say or do to impress? The woman sitting across from you is doing the same exact thing. And she's just as anxious and uncertain. Perhaps more, as our gender is more likely to get raped on a date than yours. Sad but true - rape statistics are making your date nervous.

So put away all those pick-up artists nonsense tips and tricks and focus on learning two things: communicating effectively (which is a helpful skill in success in everything) and seeing beyond your date's gender (and your goals to get laid).

I fully expect many to disagree, and am looking forward to a discussion in the comments!

(Image via Pixabay)

Notes and extras:

Merry Christmas to those of you Steeming through the holidays! May love and light fill your homes and hearts today and all year long.