Love feeds on fear.

I have probably been my happiest self these last few days. Strangely, these last few days have also been my scariest days. It feels surreal, it really does, to know that you no longer need to walk the road alone anymore, that you have someone other than friends who are willing to go with you till the end of the line. In fact, when you have been single all your life, it becomes quite difficult to accept the fact that you no longer are, and that you actually are with a person who likes you as much as you do - or perhaps more - and you have a really hard time believing in that luck. At the back of your heads it's one of those times when things are too good to be true. And that is really a very scary feeling.
The happiness of the moment has, for now, ensured that the collective fear of all these things keep at bay. But, the question then becomes - for how long will this moment last? You can't have a honeymoon period all your life, or it wouldn't have been called it. Even if I believe that our collective coolness would ensure that it lasts long enough, reality and experience look reassuringly towards us saying that the end of that phase is imminent, and that it's just a matter of time. After all, all things begin to end, don't they? Scary but true.

Fears of what, you ask? Well, for one, and for real, the fear of ultimately losing a friend. For I know that while we have agreed that we won't let this thing, this tiny little thing called mutual attraction - or, is it love already? We don't know yet - affect our friendship which has been the base of all this, we both know that a grave screw up would ensure that we do not keep that promise. Anyway, don't they say that promises are meant to be broken? Anyway, if that doesn't happen, there's just the basic fear of separation and things ending. And while I do not want that to happen ever, I - and perhaps she does too - know for a fact that every single relation in this world does eventually come to an end, in death if not in life. And separation is something I am not willing to anticipate. After this, there's the fear of me ending up doing something very stupid because, in the end of the day, I am an idiot. It could be anything. I may just take things too fast or slow for the other person's liking, or be too cheese when a person is really looking for diet food (or vice versa), or just be plain irritating like I always am. The question that arises then is how long will the other person be able to tolerate me? Even if she wants to, beyond a point, will she be able to? Or will we end up just hurting each other? I don't know, and the possibilities of how this will end up in a bad place, are endless.

But, having said that, the fact remains that for now, I really like that person, I really do, and that I am in my happiest zone imaginable. I have never felt this alive before - while at the same time also feeling that I could explode any moment thanks to how I feel - not even during times I have saved in the folder of Best Times in the hard drive of my mind. And although the fear of all these things are very real and I remain totally aware of them, currently, I don't think I really care. Because for now, I know there's someone willing to walk till the end of the line, and for now that's enough. It's a war of emotions inside my mind - for the heart just pumps up blood and I still remain an overthinker - but then, it's no fun when there's no risk, and this is a risk I am willing to take, together with her.

Oh, and she's really very cute.