I Was Cheated On And I Stayed...

There are good days and there are bad days, there are days when I think why I’m still here, there are others when I know I’m still here because I love this man so much it hurts.

I was cheated on and I forgave him, why? Cause I don’t have self-love or cause I’m insecure? I don’t think is that I know my worth, I know I deserve better, I know I’m capable of finding another person who loves me, so why did I forgive him? Why did I stay with him? Just because I love him, is as simple as that.

Is it easy? Just to forgive him and do a start fresh and forget all that happen? Not is not! Can I just trust him blindly and just don’t think ever that he won’t do it again? NOT, then why do I stay if I can not trust him? Same answer because I love him.

People would say I have to leave him and I shouldn’t have forgiven him, but is easier said than done and not all people are the same and not all relationships are the same, I have my doubts every single day I want to check his email and his phone every second of the day, I know is not healthy to live that way but for me is not a situation of just forgive and forgave I can’t I want to make sure he is not doing it again, he should be trying to win my trust again true but I think if I say to him that I don’t trust him enough yet he is not going to be happy, so I choose to do it this way, I leave him do his best to win my trust and I try myself to trust him but I also make sure he is not lying by checking whatever I can (email, phone…).

Like I said there are good days and there are bad days, I have to deal with them because it was my choice to stay, because I love him enough to give him another chance, what would I do if I find out his is lying to me again? I don’t know, I could say right now I will leave, but to be honest I don’t know, I wish I wasn’t in love it would make all this so much easier, and I know I shouldn’t stay with someone only cause I love him it doesn’t matter how he treats me, but like I say not all people is the same not all relationships are the same.

I don’t think my biggest problem is with the fact that he slept with someone else, my biggest issue is with the fact that he lie to me, that he choose to do something behind my back that he knew it would hurt me if I found it out, is the fact that he took me for granted and just assumed I was not smart enough to notice what he was doing.

I just know I love him, and I know can’t just leave, I have to give it a try, try my best to make this work, try my best to get to a point when I can honestly say I trust him again, I think that is the main reason why I stayed, I just wanted to try it to make sure I wasn’t leaving a good man for just one mistake. I have my doubts about my plan of course all the time and I wonder if is not better to just go home and try to forget about him and start a new life with someone else or alone, but I have to give this a try I’m not actually loosing anything by just giving it a try, I think I couldn’t get the whole thing out of my mind if I just were to leave, I know I would always ask myself what if…

So here I am trying my best, and my best right now is checking his stuff to see if he is telling me the true, it works for me at least for now.