The "suck my dick" fantasy and projection is something I created within myself a long time ago. It really started as a child when I got into the habit of masturbating to pornography.

I can recall rationalizing to myself that getting my dick sucked is like the ultimate reward...the ultimate thing....the ultimate prize. My thinking being, I can't suck my own dick...I've even tried to see if I could bend that far....So I should be willing and open to women who want to suck my dick....I mean this is really what I want- this desire in women to swallow my load....like really being hungry and thirsting for my dick...like as a point of how much they value and regard me...and willing to do whatever it takes to get the job down - my dick becoming the mission

Basically having created this masturbating relationship within myself where I am king shit in my own mind and that women are here to service my dick...and by servicing my dick - I am being a generous giver and sharing myself...my load of value...

I realize this is something I had totally forgot about. I quit jerking off to porn in 2007. I recognized for me it wasn't healthy for my best development - it's like I needed some external stimulation to service my internal needs/plumbing. I recognized that I wasn't the master of my own domain and I didn't like the idea of being dependent upon pictures or sounds to stimulate my ability to move myself as orgasm.

In going deeper in reflection...introspection into my best intimate relationships....girlfriends - I always kind of suppressed the point of regard for the fact that I like getting my dick sucked. It's like I harbored a certain amount of belief that getting or even asking for my dick to be sucked isn't something I should ever communicate - that it's this thing the woman has to want on her own....and she must have an overwhelming energy about it....like really being committed to servicing my shaft...and that's the only way in which I will agree to release my load....is if there's enough energy build up here between the parties.

I realize I created a self-compromise in getting my dick sucked. Also - my regard for my partners was compromised from the get go to an extent that I had this underlying energy current within me - where it's like always open to receiving a good dick suck from someone who is being a fanatic about my dick.

I realize I've been sexually objectifying myself internally and I've been projecting that externally - separating myself from standing equal with woman.

I inferiorized myself within the dick sucking point.

I superiorized myself within my own mind - Making me out to be like this rockstar who has followers and groupies...fans...and that I am doing a real service in allowing myself to have many relationships with women - essentially allowing myself to be used and abused to fulfill every woman's fantasy and desire through the use of my dick and my load. I realize this is massively fucked up. And it's been a real jerk off production...quite literally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to superiorize and inferiorize myself through sex. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself through sex. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make sex the ultimate point of self-compromise within my living. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how my relationships and my living have always been under the influence of my sexual fantasy and projection of getting my dick sucked on the regular.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding how I've perpetuated a crazy relationship towards blowjobs - not realizing and understanding how I've been sucking big time in my best regards for myself and others - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing and understanding the extent to which I've always kind of indulged and humored anyone who is coming at me with the seduction like energy of being overly inclined to wanting to suck my dick.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for not realizing nor considering how consequential it can be to have people want to suck your dick...people who don't really give a shit about me....people who are just thirsting to fufil their own desire of having a dick in the mouth - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a relationship with myself and my body and so with others...where it's like we are just users here to use each other for our self-interest, not realizing and understanding this as setting a very self-compromising premise of engagement - where it's like the junky mentality is what ultimately dictates and determines direction.

When and as I see myself indulging in the flirtatious activity about getting my dick sucked, I stop and breathe - I realize I do not require for jerking off in my thinking and fantasizing and projecting sexual fantasies about getting my dick sucked. I realize I do enjoy getting my dick sucked...but it's not the main point or anywhere close to being a focal point in living my best life. Getting my dick sucked is like such a small point...such a small thing and I made it into a priority in organizing and directing my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize and understand how I've compromised myself with every girlfriend I've ever had as a result of never really being honest about my blowjob fantasy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how I created myself as inferior to woman and in this way creating a sort of dependence upon being controlled by any woman who expresses enough interest in desiring to suck my dick.

I realize my acceptances and allowances are shameful and not really cool at all. And in fact - it's this type of mentality that is really questionable in contributing to a fucked up society that is overly sexually stimulated through all the programming and information floating around.

I realize my acceptances and allowances have been contributing to a fucked up world sexually - as I've been existing within a fucked up sexual relationship within myself - always dismissing and discounting the impact and influence of my secrets - thinking that it's just me...it's not a big deal...it's just an innocent little jerk-off desire and fantasy as something I like - not realizing nor challenging myself to actually question and challenge the legitimacy of what I've been perpetuating.

When and as I see myself projecting and or fantasizing about getting my dick sucked - I stop and breathe - I realize this has been a subtle masturbation energy that has been floating around for years and years, and that it might take some time for me to completely discharge and release all the energetic build up within myself. I commit myself to breath by breath let go of any desire or fantasy like projection for women to suck my dick. I realize and understand that my best living is not dependent upon any woman wanting to suck my dick.

I commit myself to share my story of sexual self-compromise as a way to support others who may have created warped relationships within their own minds without even really knowing and understanding how the've been compromising their best relationships as a result of holding onto some masturbation jerk off energies that perpetuate a cognitive dissonance in regards to women and yourself as equals here.

I commit myself to stop sexually objectifying myself and others.

I commit myself to challenging myself to my utmost potential in making sure that I let go of any and all holding patterns that are self-compromising to myself and the world as a whole. I realize my best response abilities are in regarding myself and all life here - equal and one.

To Be Continued as I realize this is a pretty big topic in and of itself

Let me know what you think - Have you any perspective and or support on this topic of investigation.?

For me this is a real eye opener into the extent in which our best response ability can be compromised within imprinted mind programming from years earlier.

My Body is precious and I've decided to care for it. Creating responsibility for my sculpture - my life.
@worldclassplayer

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