... love letters to the one who will never read them...
I count the days till I can see you.
My heart stopped beating normal a while go, since my belly started hurting from so much love.... because it´s said that love is in the heart, but I am sure love is in the stomach, because is where the "butterflies" cause tsunamis and where the emptiness feels like a rock.
... so when you don't feel a rock but a mountain, then you wonder if you feel emptiness or a black hole as such...
... and you tell me not to tell stories, but they are all I am, my experiences, me. So, you are telling me not to tell stories...
To not be me, to disappear, to vanish. And I want to, I really do want to. I do need to do that.
But something within tells me, try, keep trying, you will never know if you don't keep trying till you reach a dead end. Or till that dead end is me.
So I want to evaporate, but my heart hurts, and so does my belly.
I wish I could just pack up all my emotions into a basket like when we go camping and then say "ta da!" and that's it. Shop closed, all gone, end of the day.... but it's not that easy.
And I want to know how should I do it, but I don't know. I have never known how to give up. All I know is how to continue, because that has always been my only ever option. I just don't know how will that look next.
I feel the lack of breath and the need to cry, but I know that if I start, I will not be able to stop, so I keep it in, and it goes down to my belly, where it feels like a rocky mountain.
And I keep thinking about you, dreaming about you, remembering you... I keep you active in my mind so I don't lose those moments. Nobody can take them away because I have lived them so many times over and over again.
So I will wait till we can both make them real again.
Somehow, somewhen, one day. Soon. Together.