Post-Breakup

Dreams of the memory palace come to me
With that last light peeking into a hovel where solitude brings in the spring
Love and Hope are but four-letter words
But I wake with only one, to turn back across the Styx and with Charon's boat ford
Back to the living, where I see the campfires of revelry
There hangs the holy ghost of redemption, that placid fleshy failure of Cavalry
Lost, for a temporal span, with the shades casting their hollow spirits in purgatory
Empty mortals pray
While the universe counts their lot of days
The pale horse still stalks
While the prayers of the grieved go unanswered and god takes a walk
Out from that cave, towards the Idea, towards the light
Her voice echoes and a pale shadow of earthly delight
that voice; Alluring, concise and hypnotic
For another note I'd sell my shell of a soul to the king demonic
I still feel her speaking into my ears
Honey, sweetness, warmth, I still hold her dear
But the 4th dimension goes grinding in Newton's gears
Alien, simple, weak- this is what men call fear
I am possessed by a madness
That I came to bring her joy and left only sadness
Her smell is gone, there was Nibbana in her arms
But I am barred from entry, not on this birth, I have done harm
I will replay the grace in her presence and taste her on my lips that death has kissed
Cupid carries a cargo more akin to lightning, and in this, it was like he missed
The cold of the 9th circle is cruel
To fill my stomach, I eat the common gruel
The scent of the water lilies is lost in the wind as it wisps wicked with promises past the graveyard
The lone bloom I saw in the desert choked with the dust, the pearl washed up on the dirty beach
My body settles in with that phantom touch so sweet
The diamond sparkling from the rough
I could still melt in her touch
The beauty of her eyes something beyond description
I saw a dead love in them, yet to perish, that well from which few had drew
I imagine them covered in tears and wake with my pillow wet in sorrow's due
Its a cold sweat as I hope for the work of the revenants
To feel the rays of the Elysium's sun, beaming from her gaze to raise again the holy moments
I drank passion from her rose pedal lips
People wait an entire lifetime for something such as this
A skin like the mythic ice of Thule
This woman made me know what it was to be a happy fool
Her stomach growls, and her face has never scowled
This is what I have sought
The nomadic rounds have stopped
I still feel our hands linking like a long impossible puzzle
and her static hair sticking to my face while she lay with me in a nuzzle
I listen to her heart
Then for the last we part
I don't know yet in this regression
That I will never see this sight again, but I do not have prescient vision
So I listen for her at the door
Hear her feet falling on the floor
Have broken a beautiful heart?
and wish to mend it with a fresh start
I miss every inch of her, every perfection, every flaw
Where I seek to right the wrongs
When I dream I still rub her feet
They pop with tension, I wrap myself with her in my semi-conscious sleep
Sown in good intentions, and sorrow is the only crop that this will reap
Memory is only a echoed thing, compared to that dream of the day
When I was with her, before I pushed her away
A mind fashioned so divine as to make an atheist question the party line
not only my equal, but a better, free of the ideological fetters
I hear her majestic voice in every opera
They bring me to tears now- I never understood what is was not to be hardened
This cynical old soul that has been through fires and death and tempests whole
Has known only wrath's outpouring and was long ago again bought and sold
Like Sampson rent of his strength by Delilah
Locks of power, cast to the earth where ashes are ashes, where the Delphic Oracles can no longer be regarded
The prophets spoke of doom and Isaiah went naked in his gloom
But I have seen the truth to their lie
I know what it means to take to the sky and fly
There was no gravity then
Nothing to concern me with the mere affairs of men
She sings in the chorus, that lament of the tragic flaw which destroys us all
Speaking like a cledonist, this was the state of man after the fall
Eden, decried, denied, burned the ground
My deeds repaid to my face, hoping that justice has a rebound
Was paradise lost only to be found?
Regained, like some bard's drunken refrain
The Vale of Tears where the mortals are stained
Here the bones speak of the folly of deeds famed
Was Nezahualcóyotl right? Is all the earth a grave and none escapes
Who am I to question the twist of fate
With all twisted into the poverty of hate
Like a Mayan priest holding a heart torn forth to slake the heavenly procession
Ever if she is not mine, my being is her possession
My mind plays games with itself with those moments of bliss by gone
That incomparable, that relation incomplete, that best friend
Wondering when the switch flipped
and I am left to behold the ramparts of Dis
Seeking the souls mead in those drifting times
In broken and hollow rhymes
Never happier on the earth
Left with this foreign power occupying my mind in joy's dearth
Speaking with the Menis of Achilles before Troy
Gripping and sinking to despair, reaching for that buoy
Blinded as Oedipus from Hubris, driven by the pangs of love
The matters of the heart yearning for a fresh start
I can love no more, I can give nothing more
I look with disgust on the lonely wicked road, I have been here before
I know what it has in store
Pale imitations where I seek the same
Locked away, hermetically sealed, I remember her and cannot utter it, like the tetragrammaton of the Divine Name
Where is that woman I fell for?
Have I forever slammed the door?
I'm left to ponder whether I am on her mind
This absence has made the heart grow fonder
I know what she still feels
I was there, it wasn't a dream, but real
Every book, once written, does not stay in the first printing
Here, I hope, where the deeds were written by the universe on the soul lay the chance of a post-script for this loathsome ending