The Commercialization of Manhood
By Noxsoma

Disclaimer: this is not an academic paper. It's the first part of a three part series. It is based on study, my understanding of recent history. What I've seen, heard, read and mostly experienced. The history may not be spot on. Generalizations are never specific. You, or someone you know may have experienced similar. Nonetheless, your comments are welcome. And recommendations, for that matter. I am largely beyond the dating scene, but I'm still active, so I'm not ranting from my rocking chair. And with that being said... Dive in!

I was about to set the beginning of this timeline back ten years, but as I started to think about it, this course of study began closer to twenty years ago.

As a teen I thought I'd be a better-than-good motivational speaker. Although I was encouraged to do it by my peers, there was this annoying problem with public speaking. Also, I hadn't lived long enough to discover and understand my gifts, or my purpose; my dharma. So, I simply lived my life according to the "rules of living" until those rules stopped working, or I decided that they no longer applied to me.

It was a bumpy road but little by little it brought me where I am today; a poor vagabond philosopher moving from place to place, heart to heart, making short films and posting blogs on social media platforms. It's a lifestyle I never planned, primarily because the lifestyle itself wasn't available to the likes of your humble author in my youth. If I wanted to see the world I'd have to join the military, which I did.

Although this piece isn't specifically about the "joys of military service" (I hope you caught the sarcasm), my tour of duty prepared me for many of the curve balls life threw my way, which I knocked out of the park... if I do say so myself.

But let's get to the point.

About the turn of the current century I happened upon a treasure trove of self-confidence recordings from the twentieth century. Most of them were in the vein of "think yourself successful." Although that was the shtick, there were also a lot of good behavioural techniques included as well. Tips to change ones behaviour and outlook from that of a loser, (unproductive and sad/angry) to that of a winner, (which usually meant wealthy, which back then was synonymous with happy). They weren't magic bullets and the speakers who made such recordings were under no obligation to guarantee the success of the consumers who purchased their products. However, I do believe that with a little imagination and customization a savvy individual could tweak the methods to benefit themselves in lifestyle and love-style.

Money is not always the bottom line.

PUA

An interesting phenomenon emerged towards the end of the twentieth century, a generation of fatherless men began to enter their twenties and the dating scene. I've witnessed this segue first-hand as man-boys awkwardly made their way into nightclubs and pubs... as well as the girls that suffered them.

Personally, I couldn't be too mad at these kids because they made me look good. (Disclaimer, this is one of several opportunities I will take to brag about the "ways" I have with women. Most of the time it's just a matter of contrast.)

What had happened was, a generation of males had been predominantly raised by single mothers with no man, (or too many faux-men) in the picture. They were dispatched onto the dating scene ill prepared to interact with women.

The "dead beat dads" gave rise to the Pick Up Artist cyber community that ostensibly taught boys how to pickup girls in bars and other such places.

The pioneers of what's become an industry, albeit small, adapted the messages of the self-help gurus and added such techniques as hypnosis, neural linguistic programming, seduction, personality typing, evolutionary psychology and more to the encyclopedia of picking up chicks.

As with any industry, this one had to evolve. Latter day gurus expanded the message beyond picking up chicks to how to find the "right" girl, and build a successful relationship, to "how to be, (or just act like) a man."

If you detected an air of cynical self-righteousness in this piece, congratulate yourself. I come from an era when men were different than they are now. For lack of a better description, they were more "manly". I guess the word is "macho," but not the commercialized "macho" that gave way to parody. And the women of the day liked that about men. Women today still like that about men.

(These are generalizations, based on books and recent conversations and what motivational speakers in the so-called "Manosphere" have shared. Your experiences and tastes may vary.)

It's easy to dismiss women as fickle. "Nuanced" would be a better description. She wants her man to be macho, rugged. She wants to know that he can and will protect her from a predator, but she doesn't necessarily want him to actually do it, gratuitously. Once, a woman I was seeing suggested we leave as establishment because, "I can see you doing something stupid," based on a comment we both overheard. Honestly, I appreciated the way she looked out for both of us.

In a separate situation a lady told me she wanted her boyfriend to stand up for her against an asshole who was harassing the couple, but she didn't want boyfriend to actually beat up the douche. There was blood and that scared her.

But back to the cynicism.

While what I hear from many of these post-PUA era speakers "makes sense" to me, (because most of it is just a remix, or reframe of what the self-help gurus spoke on during last century, applied to relationship success today), my cynicism comes from the idea that these boys devoid of "men" in their lives can really learn to be "men" by reading blogs/books and attending seminars and dating workshops.

..to be continued...

This stuff simply flowed through me. I didn't sit down and plan to write this. Those who need the info will find it. Next part will come with 10 upvotes... yes, I am holding this hostage. I just want to know if it's even worth it for me to continue. I've been through this part of my life, so if younger cats what the info to digest and experiment with... a vote is a small price to pay.