Toxic masculinity is an oxymoron.

in masculinity •  last year 

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I am just speaking from experience; but, I have noticed that almost all of the straight guys who seriously use the term "toxic masculinity" on a regular basis are also guys who like to signal how macho they are.

I've never used the term except to criticize it. I'm perfectly willing to say that I've never thrown a punch in my life. I've broken a guy's wrist during a football drill; but, my wrist got broken a couple weeks later with the same circumstances. Still, somebody calls me a "fag", and I just say, "Yep, I pound butt. Total fanny bandit." because it's just not worth any violence. If a person ever pursues me and tries to kill me, that's why I have a gun.

By contrast, most of the guys who talk about toxic masculinity as if it's a real and serious thing tend to be exemplars of toxic masculinity. They're weak, tiny, white dudes who like to talk about how they've punched another guy and won. No, you've probably cold-cocked a guy like a complete coward and chalked that up to your win category in regard to fights.

That's not how masculinity works.

Real men hold the ability to be effective in the realm of physical violence; but, at the same time, restrain that capability until there's a real reason to use it. We don't throw hissy-fits and start slapping people who hurt our feelings. We assess situations and behave accordingly.

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