Maggie was confused. Rick had blown her away on their first two dates. No guy had ever worked so hard to impress her.
And impressed she was. He was attentive, respectful, gentle and engaged.
But then, just when she decided shed fallen for him...poof. He withdrew.
Now their roles had reversed. Overnight, she was working to get his attention.
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Why do men do that? Why do men shut women out?
Certainly, not every man pulls away when things start to heat up, but a lot of guys do.
Enough, in fact, that this is a common question among the women I work with as a dating and relationship coach.
Guys come on strong, pursuing with enough passion to make Romeo jealous, but when they win the attention of their Juliet, its game over.
What gives?
Look, datings a tough gig. Yes, its fun and exciting, but its also nerve-racking.
At first, its all about the chase. Hes trying to get your attention, and youre deciding whether or not hes worth it.
Thats the time in any dating relationship when both people are so wrapped up in the pursuit that theyre hardly giving any thought to what will come next.
And then, the pursuit changes.
You decide youre into the guy, and he, having won your attention, has to begin the process of considering an actual, serious relationship. Does he want one?
More than likely he does, or he wouldnt have been chasing you!
But, wanting it and being fearless enough to really go after it are two different things.
So, whats a girl to do?
Well, first Ill tell you what you should NOT do.
Avoid These Two Common Mistakes
First, dont assume its about you. It almost certainly isnt. He was into you before you decided you were into him. Hes still into you, now.
Second, dont pressure him. This is where a lot of the advice columns get it wrong. They often say you should play "hard to get" or some version of it.
Instead, let him know youre interested in him.
Do it in ways that dont smother or push. (Text messages every hour, on the hour, for example, might be over-doing it.)
Why do men pull away and shut women out at this phase of a relationship? Because hes a little nervous. Hes nervous about giving up the freedom of choice.
Dont change, be the woman he fell in love with
During the pursuit phase, its desire that motivates him. As soon as he realizes this could be something real, his motivation shifts.
Suddenly hes thinking about the many options he will give up, and the lifestyle changes hes committing to.
(A lot of guys have an irrational fear that all their activities will all become feminized if they commit to a woman.)
When hes acting this way, you dont have to change what youre doing. When he acts distant, your best bet is to appear calm and comfortable.
Be the woman he fell in love with (carefree, confident, and available).
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Dont freak out—thatll freak him out. Dont demand his attention—thatll send him running. And dont launch into a panic that hes seen some fatal flaw in you.
Because that thought process will put you in a negative frame of mind, and thats anything but attractive.
Always Assume The Best
He pursued you for the first few dates, hoping youd decide you were into him. Hes gone out on a limb before.
Now its your turn. Give him enough space to feel comfortable while still letting him know youre interested.
Any guy who truly wants a mature, real relationship will come around as soon as he sees theres nothing there to be afraid of.
And any guy whos not ready for a real relationship wasnt the catch you thought he was, anyway!
Now, before you settle into "waiting mode," Id like to share a shortcut that can pull him back and rekindle his passionate pursuit at lightening speed.
Theres nothing wrong with being patient, but if you want to pour a little miracle grow on your relationship, heres what I recommend you do next...
When He Shuts You Out, Try This...
Survey research shows men would rather be respected than loved. Its wired into our DNA.
We feel an irrational need to earn your respect as an avenue to becoming worthy of your love.
Now look, as a male dating coach working primarily with women, I know how crazy this must sound to you. But its true.
Its one of the few "secrets" that really can give you an unfair advantage with men.
Heres how this knowledge can help.
If you channel a mans deep desire to earn your respect in the right ways, he will bend over backward for you.
And the more he does this, the easier it becomes for him to see himself in a long-term committed relationship with you.
And his favorite way to earn your respect?
He wants to be heroic. He wants to solve problems for you, come to your aid, and prove himself useful.
Its not very romantic, but its woven into the fabric of his DNA.
And thats why Ive put together a video explaining this phenomenon further so you can tap into his hero instinct anytime you want, even if hes currently asking for space.
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