I had a nice lunch and even some time on my deck today. The sun was out, plenty of wine and beer, same conversations, discussions, disagreements, and the ultimate, thanks for being you and for being my friend, and a long mutual hug before he left. We may not come to the same conclusions from the same directions, but we often end up agreeing that most people are really fucked up. LOL
We briefly discussed the difference between depression and melancholy. He brought it up, my lack of interest in food anymore, my lethargy, my weight loss, my chosen isolation. He is the red headed, light blue eyed left handed preacher's son who never experienced depression. He just decided at a young age, fuck it, I'm gonna just have fun as long as this life lasts. That's pretty much who and what he is still today. But, he is more than that, because he asked me, what's up?
In my teens, I was very depressed. In fact I recall trying to figure out how to just leave this place, and tried to end it more than once. Still got the scars. Gratefully, I haven't experienced that kind of real depression for at least 40 years now. I no longer feel all alone, because I know that I am not, even as I am. There's a huge difference in that knowing.
But, yes, I am feeling a certain melancholy these days, not a life-ending bent at all. Just an overwhelming sadness at all the divisiveness and loss between friends and families over meaningless, to my mind, contrived attempts at total control over all of us by some very psychopathic beings who believe we have worn out our usefulness and distract us with constant nonsense to make us hate and turn against each other.
My anger is not at you, but at those who are pretty successful at controlling our minds, and my melancholy is that so many still don't seem to comprehend the harm being done to them.
But, no, I am not depressed. Just more often of late, feeling more and more melancholy.