Mental Illness (Venting)

Mental Illness (Venting)

Our minds can be a maze some times
The corners/turns so dark
A cloud of depression hangs overhead
And anxiety constantly surrounds
We try to take shelter
But ne’er a shade tree to be found
We close our eyes and wonder…
What comes next for me now?
As Christians we ponder…
Why would the Lord place this on me?
Then our best friend finds out they have cancer
And another dies suddenly
We feel guilty in that moment
And we question God again
Take a walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror
We can see our sadness staring back at us
Seeing the dark circles
Seeing what we are not
But despite our inward struggles
Despite our outward looks
We matter as a people
For we are all the Kings kid
And to say this I do mean it
But cannot mean it just the same
For I constantly think of my errors
And I feel the shame
The way I stutter when upset
How emotional I am
My sensitive demeanor
My constant inner torment
The torment which is driving me insane
I can minister to others
I can comfort them at best
But I cannot seem to save myself
I believe this is a test
And if it is I am failing
Though I really do try
We as sufferers should never give up
But I have so many times
To be told I will go to Hell because of my mental issues
Because I am so fucked up
I know this is not the truth
But it punches you in the gut
And that I belong back in the “nut house”
Well how would you cope?
Satan is really attacking me
And at that, working through a giant joke!
What monster laughs when a child falls on the ice?
And for his wife to laugh at a child’s misfortune
Come on people get with it!
These people are not just people
They are Satan followers in the flesh
And anyone for that matter who picks on children or the elderly
Or someone who makes fun or those on Welfare
It is all so insane to me
And I know I make everything personal
But that is just who I am
Sharing my struggles
Because I refuse to pretend
And NO I cannot snap out of this
NO I cannot just wake up
I cannot snap my fingers and watch my illness vanish
It simply does not work that way
Perhaps there will some day be a breakthrough in medicine
Perhaps some day the cloud will be lifted
But until that day…
We will continue to fight
We will continue to bleed for our misfortunes
We will continue to be at war
It is a battle worth fighting
As long as you keep your eyes focused on the Lord

By, Tiffany Simar
2/8/17