I wrote this long editorial comparing and contrasting the massive ongoing tsunami of sexual harassment and assault claims that are finally getting real media coverage with the massive ongoing tsunami of service members behaving like a fraternity that only accept psychopaths on the internet while senior leaders say, “I don’t have a Facebook page; I don’t do social media. I’m generationally challenged here, all right.” Because I guess you need to interface with the kids in order to understand that sexually harassing your peers online and using the internet to create a 30,000+ member network dedicated to acquiring and transmitting illicit photos of your peers is kind of a bad thing, but I digress. I wrote all this then decided to go with something more direct, a little lighter, and relevant to the holiday season.
“The Twelve Days of Christmas, If You’re a Real Creep”
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
A Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Six domestic violence charges
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Seven she didn’t look 11
Six domestic violence charges
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eight uncalled-for dick pics
Seven she didn’t look 11
Six domestic violence charges
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Nine pussy grabbers
Eight uncalled-for dick pics
Seven she didn’t look 11
Six domestic violence charges
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Ten Congressional hearings
Nine pussy grabbers
Eight uncalled-for dick pics
Seven she didn’t look 11
Six domestic violence charges
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Eleven UVA briefs
Ten Congressional hearings
Nine pussy grabbers
Eight uncalled-for dick pics
Seven she didn’t look 11
Six domestic violence charges
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Twelve good Stanford swimmers
Eleven UVA briefs
Ten Congressional hearings
Nine pussy grabbers
Eight uncalled-for dick pics
Seven she didn’t look 11
Six domestic violence charges
Stop raping people
Four Marines United
Three minor children
Two Lauers locking
And a Weinstein in a bathrobe
Who knew the military and Hollywood share a rampant sexual harassment and assault problem.
But seriously stop. Stop trying to “make her famous.” Stop calling for “fire missions.” If she didn’t explicitly ask for the genitalia picture, don’t send it. No one is asking for it. Only about 2% of all sexual assault accusations are false, so odds are good if it was reported, a sexual assault happened. If you haven’t been harassing and/or assaulting people, you’re probably going to be alright.
This has been your holiday safety brief.
Happy Holidays