Me Also. My response to #MeToo

10.17.17
Op-Ed
“Me Also”
I'm guilty of sexual harassment. I'm just sure of it. As a 50 year old American male, I know at some point I have been overbearing, pushy, touchy, forward and maybe even gropey when it comes to members of the female persuasion. I feel horrible about this previous behavior and am trying to atone for acts that I didn't know were harassing by acknowledging them now, in hopes of my second 50 years being harassment free. I wholeheartedly applaud the “metoo” hashtag.
I often am heard saying that I can't imagine being a woman, especially a beautiful woman in these United States. The stares, the truly unwanted advances, the whistles, the objectification. It would seem to be a constant deluge that must become unbearable at some point. After all, we all want attention, but day after day of creeps bothering or annoying you would render anyone numb. It's no wonder that so many have marched and donned pink hats, having so much personal experience with their own pu**y grabbers. Yet, again as an American man who has been single for the majority of his adult life sans a ten year marriage and a few chance relationships, I pontificate.
From the mid 1980's through 2015 I was a full time professional musician. As a bass player I worked in places like cruise ships, clubs, bars, restaurants, hotels, theaters, theme parks and posh wedding receptions. These were all situations where there were a plethora of single (and often times married) people who were out looking for a good, perhaps anonymous time. A chance to do something that they probably had never done before and may never do again. As a single and virile guy, there were definitely interesting times to be had without even having to really look for them. Who doesn't want to sleep with a guy from the band, even if he's just the bass player? More times than not I was happy to oblige that lonely wife, recently divorced cruise passenger or a fan of the band who just hates her life. Ecstatic, even. Oh, the stories I could tell. But I digress.
It takes two. (or three). There is a good reason why there are now over seven billion people on the planet, besides great strides in medical innovation: Humans are extremely, wonderfully, inherently sexual beings. Please notice that I said humans. I didn't say just men. From my formidable experience some women can be just as forward and hyper sexual as any man out there. That in of itself is a fantastic thing, but just like with men, that sexuality can be grossly misdirected no matter what moral ground you are looking at it from.
Throughout my years, I have encountered numerous situations that at times, frankly were at best embarrassing and at the worst unsettling. I have been used for sex by women, I have been the target of a “who gets to sleep with him first” competition by a group of women, I have been propositioned by a woman who was on her honeymoon, I have been with married women and I have been sexually harassed by my female boss at a non music job I once had. There is nothing worse than feeling pressured every day in your workplace, as so many people can attest to.
There are plenty of women who use “Hooking Up” apps every single day. Certainly there is nothing harassing about this behavior but it demonstrates that no matter what your relationship status is, we all have virtually the same desires and physical, if not emotional needs. Why is feeling attracted to someone and being aggressive about it by a man or a woman automatically characterized as harassment? Is it our current society that dictates this, or is it also possible that we as a species never would have flourished without outward and ongoing sexual advances? I submit that it just may be the latter. I realize that there is a difference between harassment and just flirting, but sex is something that we all want, and short of being overtly rude trying to get it, it's just a part of our DNA. The scope and variety of our species is more than evident of this. I won't see it but it shall be interesting to see what humans will look like 50 years from now since we all will continue to sleep with each other.
I'm not trying to slut shame anyone. To each his own, but I think it's safe to say that to some extent, male or female, we are all guilty of harassment in one form or fashion at one time or another. The population of the planet depends on it.
 Mark Tilford - The Topical Zealot
 @marktilfordbass