"How Do I Get The World to Owe Me a Living?"

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I recently overheard this, with the follow up "I just want people to give me money. What's the easiest way to get people to fork over cash?" I was in a Starbucks, sharing a table with a middle aged woman. We were both working on our own thing, but when we both heard the twenty-something behind me, the woman and I both looked at each other. I had a raised eyebrow, and she rolled her eyes. It was meant to be rhetorical, but this question was pretty typical of my generation, the so-called Millennials, and of the attitude towards the world that so many Millennials hold. If we were playing word association, and you said "Millennial," my gut response is entitled So to address this way of thinking, I stopped what I was doing and wrote down what I believe to be a practical answer to his question. My hopes are that he, along with many others of my generation, might read this and think about it. That's it. Just think.

Image courtesy of Nickandzuzu.com

To properly answer your question, I need to start with some background: As a young cook, I was overworked, miserable, and depressed. I believed that I was more talented than my employers, and that they owed me better pay, and more appreciation, because I was entitled to it. I also believed that it is a dog-eat-dog world, and that if I wanted anything, I had to take it. So, I b*tched and complained, and acted like I was better than everyone, because in my mind, I was. I was special. Mom said so.
Eventually, I took some leave to visit my family in the Philippines, and upon my return, I had no job. They had written my return date down incorrectly and assumed that I wasn’t coming back.

Here’s what happened, from a psychological standpoint: Since I believed in scarcity, I lived in scarcity. Nothing was ever enough for me. My negative attitude was probably the deciding factor in my termination. Yes, I was a hard worker, and did a good job. But since I was so negative, I taxed people’s, physical, emotional, and mental capacity. In other words, I became an energy vampire (and I don’t mean that in any supernatural sense). So when it came time to make a decision to fire me, how could I be surprised that they did? If I’d been a joy to be around, they would have offered me my job back. I'm sure of it.
I hadn’t figured all this out yet, but I had learned one (albeit, flawed) lesson: “become indispensable.” My next job provided me the opportunity to shine. I was going to outwork everyone in that place. I tried to learn every job, so if something needed getting done, I was on it. Sure enough, I became second-in-command in two short years. And enjoyed a 50% raise in conjunction. I had accidentally stumbled upon one of the secrets of success: giving starts the receiving process.
As Zig Ziglar said, "If you help enough people get what they want, you can have EVERYTHING you want."

My negative attitude was probably the deciding factor in my termination.

The psychological principle of Reciprocity is at work here. Simply put, doing stuff for people makes them feel like they owe you something, and they’ll want to pay it back, especially if they never asked for it. So by me being hardworking, and doing extra tasks, my boss felt compelled to “pay me back” by skipping over other people for promotion and giving me a hefty raise. I still believed I was better than anyone, but the difference is now I acted like it. Just don’t make the mistake of lording favors over other people. Doing that forces people to compare the value of your work with the favor you’re trying to curry. This is off-putting and what happens fairly quickly is people stop accepting your help for fear of an ulterior motive.

"If you help enough people get what they want,
you can have everything you want."

The Mind is a powerful thing, and with it you can accomplish anything. We are all born with it, so we tend to take it for granted. But if you use it… look out. I’ve since adopted a much more positive mental attitude and I find that opportunities. This is more biological than psychological. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is a set of neural pathways in the brain stem, what’s often referred to as the “Lizard Brain,” or Limbic System where scientist believe subconscious thoughts, emotions, behavior, originate. It’s primary function is to filter out the thousands bits of data so that the cognitive parts of the brain (prefrontal cortex) aren’t overloaded (that can only focus on 5–7 things at a time on average). You know when you hear your name spoken at random in a noisy room? That’s your RAS at work. Now, this isn’t all random filtration. Your cognitive mind chooses what you focus on. Or more accurately, You choose what you focus on. In my early career, I believed in the scarcity in the world, so I focused on how little I had, my RAS showed me more proof of that, and so I believed in it more. The good news is that if you modify just one step, the whole cycle changes.

At the urging of one of my mentors, I eventually chose to believe in abundance (This was before in was introduced to the science of it). I couldn’t change my beliefs outright, so I chose what to focus on. I tried to look at the positive side of things. I took every little win that I could. About to spend an hour on the bus? Great! That means I can listen to that audiobook I never have time for. Someone called out sick and I need to wash dishes? Awesome! A break in the routine of work. I started not having to look for the positive things. My RAS kept feeding me proof. I got a job that made me more money that I’d ever made before. I was able to buy a car outright. I met some amazing people that taught me so many lessons that advanced my career. Was able to spend time with influential people I otherwise never would have had access to. Now I really do believe that there’s an infinite amount of abundance in the world, and I can have as much as I want, so long as I’m willing to work for it. To give, so that I might receive.

So the three principles in which I now try to live my life, the principles that “got me what I was owed” are as follows:

1. If you can imagine and believe in something, you can achieve it.
2. Help people get what they want, and I can have everything I want.
3. Without hard work, 1 and 2 are meaningless.

In other words, You gotta work for it, dude. Not just at your job. At everything. Especially on your relationships.--T