Something Like MKUltra

Your wrists, head, and legs are strapped to the gurney. A curtain separates you from the room outside. You can see some of what is happening through a gap at the side. Large sets of lights are being arranged in what you thought was a waiting room in a hospital clinic. A man in khaki pants with a button down shirt stands in charge. He has white hair, short military cut, an athletic build. He notices you moving around through the slit in the curtain. "He needs to know that if he sees my face, he's going to be killed."

You look away, terrified, pushing your head back against the pillow, arching your back and neck. Your heart races. You panic. The straps won't budge. The arrangement continues. You won't let you eyes move toward the outside, knowing it means your life. The man has finished ordering the arrangements and the women you thought were nurses are slowing down moving around the room. You are ordered to be brought out. You are rolled out on the gurney.

The lights are hot and bright. You feel them on your clothes and face but clench your eyes shut as hard as you can. You think it may be a movie set. You have no idea what is happening or why. There is a lot of activity in the room. People that you know from the area, whose voices you recognize, are all in the room, saying insulting things about you, mocking you.

The girlfriend of someone you know is one the voices you recognize. She is not insulting. She is terrified too. She is scared and wants to be let go. She howls, "Noooo..." every minute or so. She sounds like she may be drugged. Her boyfriend's voice is clear, to your right, beside you with the others. He calls her a bitch.

Time is stretched out. Seconds go on and on. You have no thoughts of the future or even escape. There is no precedent, no relationship with what is happening now and anything you have ever experienced before.

The voice of one of the nurses speaks over the PA system from time to time, testing, giving directions. Her tone is sarcastic, sickly sweet, hard. The nurses continue moving things, setting things up it seems, asking each other little questions, chatting, excited. They wipe your upper chest under your hoodie near your neck and place electrodes, test the signal. Your eyes are still clenched tight.

The voice of a woman starts speaking from behind you. Her voice is calm but there is a sharp edge to her tone. There is a shared joke between her and the onlookers in the room it seems. You don't get it. (To Be Continued)