This is something that I always wonder not only with people but also with my own self on certain situations. There are some actions that we take or not take because we feel there is some dignity in it that we need to maintain, but sometimes I feel it also becomes a matter of ego. There is a thin line between Dignity and Ego and you will never know when that matter of dignity or you can also say self-respect will become a matter of Ego.
Lately I faced 2 such situations, In my circle, there are 2 of my friends, who around 2 years back were very close to each other, then one incident happened between them and they fell apart. After that they do not wish to talk to each other. Over a period of time one of them has come forward and tried to work it out but the other one does not seem to be interested. She feels that it is a matter of her own dignity and she would want to keep away. Fair enough, if someone does not wish to then that decision should be respected. A few days back, I had organized a get together with some of my close friends to celebrate my hubby's birthday. Since there were many people I could not do it at my home, and the venue I selected was my friend's place Garden and Pool side, she is the one who is willing to move forward in this feud.
Knowing about the venue my other friend rejected to attend the party. Mentioning it was a question of her dignity. I felt hurt because both of them are very close to me.
I have tried to make her understand that it is high time that she needs to let go off the feelings, but she does not want to. Yes for some time I felt that it was about her self-respect and dignity, but now I feel it's just mere stubbornness and ego, specially when the opposite person is making the move, I feel the matter should be resolved. It's not even a very serious matter.
We all make mistakes and no one is perfect, so when such things happen and when the opposite person apologizes or tries to improve the situation then it would not be very apt to hold on to the grudge. Misunderstandings and fights do happen with friends but then you do not break up the relationship. I feel hurt in this matter, because my friend chose her ego above our friendship. Anyways that's her call. Somehow I too feel now, that there will be some distance always now in our relationships. I cannot be comfortable with people who hold on to grudges. I like the energy to be free flowing and I will do whatever I can to improve such situations but again only to an extent.
There is a very thin line between Dignity and Ego, when that shift will happen we never know also and we may feel that we are doing things to maintain our self-respect but it may not be the same.
This is what I keep saying all the time, we need to forgive and let go. We do not realize that by getting stuck in negative emotions we are also spreading these negative energies into the Universe. We may feel it's a small thing and will not matter to anyone, but we forget how our collective consciousness plays a big role in shaping the energy of our planet.
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I am sorry that you were put in such a situation @nainaztengra and it is sad that your one friend was not able to put her hurt/anger/bitterness aside for your sake. They need not have even spoken at the event, but the mere fact that she was not even willing to try.
It seems like a fair enough amount of time has passed for her to be able to at least be in the same room as the other woman. Not that you were asking them to reconcile.
This really does put a strain on your friendship with her because what happens the next time she invites you to an event of hers that is of special meaning to her... What then?! I am guessing that you would be the bigger person and go... but that is not really the point. The point is you would definitely remember this instance and no doubt it would cause a little hurt in that moment.
I agree. Forgiveness is probably one of the hardest things to exercise in this life, but it is the most rewarding. Without forgiving the other lady, she is never going to be able to let go of that hurt and anger and the unfortunate thing about that... is it will eventually become toxic within herself.
I do hope they eventually find some kind of resolve - but even more so, I hope that you are not made to feel like a tug rope in future.
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You are so right, but then you know when ego gets in the way, everything gets ruined and the best part is we never realize it is the ego, we give it all the different names to justify our actions. I feel sad for people who cannot move ahead with their emotions.
Personally for me, I always draw that boundary around me and never get into anyone's personal matters then be it my very close circle also. So, I know I am going to be ok.
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Absolutely!!!!
Yip - denial, denial, denial.
Agreed - or at least be honest enough with themselves to have a little introspection.
Glad to hear that :)
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