Yesterday, my darling, sweet, cheerful son lost his "merde" in the most ironic way possible. It happens to all of us on occasion, right? Somebody pushes you just a smidge past your limit, purposely or by accident, and that. is. it. It doesn’t matter if you anger makes sense in this plane of reality, you just need to vent until you get tired or pass out.
Here’s the French version of a small excerpt of what Ulysse screamed at the top of his lungs. You’ll just have to imagine the strident, screeching baby eagle quality of his voice. The English translation and explanation is below:
"Rrrrrraaahhmph! Hmmmmph! Aaaaaieeehmmmhhh! Vous me fâche maintenant - vous deux! Je vous ai dit cent-million de quatorze fois…que…je vais plus jamais parler français. Je veux que vous arrête de me forcer de parler en français! hhhhmmmmmph!"
(grammaire transcrite telle quelle - il a cinq ans.)
English translation:
"Rrrrrraaahhmph! Hmmmmph! Aaaaaieeehmmmhhh! You’re making me angry now - you two! I told you a hundred-million of fourteen times…that…I am never ever again going to speak French! I want you to stop forcing me to speak in French! hhhhmmmmmph!"
So, how do you really feel, Ulysse?
We are a bilingual household. My husband Fab is French and will keep his lovely accent forever. I am American, French by marriage and my son is Franco-American. We have worked very hard to make sure he can communicate with his family and our friends in France who don’t speak much English, if any. I teach French, so it’s not a big deal for me to speak French at home, but depending on my mood, I sometimes slip on consistency and now that my son Ulysse is 5, he notices immediately and follows my lead.
So, part of what happened is my fault. I asked Ulysse several times yesterday to speak French at home and he got increasingly frustrated. The comic relief in the situation was that he kept asking me to undo his LEGOs for him in English, but then he voiced his indignation about having to speak French against his will IN FRENCH! I don’t think he thought it was very funny, but we sure had a hard time keeping a straight face as we tried to reason with him.
The thing is, he is more comfortable in English and knows more vocabulary in many subjects. But, there are other more home-oriented subjects that he knows better in French and trust me - he speaks beautifully and fluently in French.
I told Ulysse he didn’t have to speak French, but I was not going to reply to English anymore. Let the whining, crying and complaining begin! Finally, Fab decided enough was enough and told him to go to his room to get it out of his system.
Ulysse never does anything half-way, which is one of the things I love and adore about him. He has the determination of a mule and refuses to back down, almost ever. I’m sure this trait will serve him well when it comes to “if at first you don’t succeed” kinds of moments. But I fear it could also cause him and us some annoyance at times, too.
Behind his thin pressboard bedroom door, Ulysse began to grunt, scream, howl, accuse, denounce, and what have you. I even made a recording because it was so impressive. His stamina! He went on for at least 15 minutes before I finally went in to try to calm him down again.
But the best part: he accused us of every crime under the sun and swore he would never speak French again - in French. He was so riled up, I don’t think he knew what language he was speaking, but it was to die for. I know, only the worst mother in the world would think her kid’s head nearly exploding is that funny, but you really should have heard him. I don’t dare post the recording because I feel like it would be violating his privacy. The blockchain is forever, right? So, you’ll just have to take my word for it, that even though we were a bit concerned, we were mostly snickering as quietly as we could, hoping he would soon wear himself out.
He did eventually relent and we talked more rationally about his feelings and why we ask him to speak French. I even played the recording for him. The laughed, but I suspect he did feel just the slightest bit sheepish about it. I didn’t play it for him to shame him, mind you, just to emphasize that it is better and easier to talk about things instead of yelling.
I would also like to thank him for giving me the gift of one of the best examples of IRONY I’ve ever encountered. Vociferating in French about how you’re never going to speak French is pure gold!
You know when you’re trying to explain what irony is to someone who doesn’t quite get it, but they think they do? You have my permission to borrow this little anecdote for illustrative purposes :-)
Have your children or kids you know pulled a stunt like this? Do tell! We all need a good laugh. Cheers!
**
Photo: “Scream and Shout” by Mindaugas Danys
Written with StackEdit.
Très drôle en effet.
Pour avoir vécu dans une province anglophone du Canada je sais que les enfants n'aiment pas du tout être différent des autres. Dans notre cas, les enfants ont appris très rapidement l'anglais et étaient très fiers de pouvoir parler entre eux à la maison sans que nous comprenions.
Avec le temps tout rentre dans l'ordre, c'est comme tout, il faut qu'il construise sa personnalité et ce n'est pas toujours facile.
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Nous avons bien bien rigolé! Mais je pense qu'il était fatiqué aussi et ça n'a pas aidé!
C'était la première fois qu'il réagit comme ça - mais je m'y attendais depuis longtemps...j'avais entendu que quand ils se rendent compte qu'ils parlent une langue différente, ils peuvent se braquer. Pour l'instant, nous avons de la chance! Il a eu le culot de dire que c'était de ma faute parce que je lui ai lu les trois premiers livres de Harry Potter en anglais et du coup, il avait oublié le français! Solution facile: plus de Harry Potter! Il a changé d'avis vite fait :-) Merci d'être passée!
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You are right! This illustrates irony as well as any anecdote I've heard.
I can imagine it is hard for him to always speak French at home when he is surrounded by English elsewhere. When we get tired (or inebriated), we tend to go with what is most familiar. While I'm not bilingual, I am bi-dialectal. You should hear how thick my southern accent grows when I have a drink. ;-)
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