Am I the only one who needs a lesson in being me?

Some days I wonder where the mother figure in my life was when I learned to be a girl other days I wonder if I ever learned. Making the decision to be more girly was an easy but complicated one.

I chose to wear pantyhose under a new crushed velvet dress I purchased. This decision came as a shock to myself but the decision I soon realized was not the hard part. After falling on back a few times on my bed, tripping over the stretched out material wrapped around my feet, and then falling face first on my floor I came to the realization that I desperately needed lessons on how to be a sexy woman and put on pantyhose.

My desire to have a sex appeal and my lack thereof makes me slightly awkward, to say the least. But the more I thought about my sitcom skit this morning, the more I came to the understanding that it's not just about the pantyhose lesson but more about the determination to get these evil pieces of fabric on and in place to take on the day.

Each day we wake up, we make our first decision to hit the snooze button, step our feet to the floor, or even run a marathon. Whatever decision we make, it's ours and no one else can take responsibility from us.

Which brings up a question I often ask myself "when will each and every one of us be successful?" The answer is quite simple "its when we change ourselves." The more people walk through life with un-written goals and blame others for their decisions the longer it will take to see a change in our lives and in others around us.

The first step is always the hardest without the right mindset. To be a different person you have to know who that person is. Does that person make you smile? Does she desire more? Is she interesting enough to attract all the right people? Can she put on pantyhose in the morning? If not how does she become that person? And can she become that person?

In my early twenties, I was set on being a firefighter and in the emergency services for the rest of my life. I went through the fire academy in 2009, wandered around the east coast of the United States helping with search and rescue missions, and even fought my way through the difficult EMT class. This was the decision I made when I stepped foot in the fire department. And then one day it happened, a decision that jumped out of the woods like the Yeti himself.

I no longer wanted to be that person, in fact, I wanted to be the creative person I was when I was a kid. I wasn't really sure what that meant but I knew I wanted to do it. Growing up in a small southern town I really didn't know much of what was out there so I took a chance on fate.

I had an old world map that my father had given me and a dart board set in the garage. Managing to find the dart set in the garage is another story for a different day but once I found it, I had the world at my fingertips.

I blindfolded myself and turned in a circle three times. I let the dart fly from my hand with excitement to see where I was going. I was for sure I was in the right position to hit the map so I let it sore. I took my blindfold off and apparently, I was headed straight for the bathroom.

The second throw of the dart landed on my desk and finally the third hit Asia. I knew absolutely nothing about the Asian culture, Japanese (Nihongo) language, or what there was to do there but that's where the dart said I was going. And the next decision was to leave the fire service and enter the fashion industry. The fashion industry statement made everyone laugh back then. I had never worn makeup, a skirt, or heels. Not one person in my life believed me.

So how did I make this happen? I went from metal laced boots to red high heels in a matter of days. Every night before bed and every morning when I woke up while waiting for my visa I read my goal out loud. "I am going to be in the fashion industry." I now look at that goal and think that it is too vague but back then it kept me moving forward and somehow did its job.

Within my first month of arrival, I met a woman named Cher. She was short with long dark hair and red streaks. She had makeup all over her arms at all times and her face and attire were always dramatic. I found out very quickly that she owned a makeup studio and next thing I knew I was learning how to be a makeup artist. The next three months I landed on billboards that I didn't pay for, and then I was flying back and forth to Tokyo. For the two years of my visa's term, I was in the fashion industry with several different entrepreneur type tasks.

The point is our decisions dictate who we are. We can be whomever we want to be. No one said your life is cut in stone and you had to follow a certain plan. We train ourselves to think we aren't good enough. The barriers we build for ourselves are the hardest to break down. The only way to be that person we all know you are is to change your mindset by simply telling yourself what it is you need to be thinking.

I am still awkward in the "sexy" department but I have two ways that I can look at this thought. Maybe I am not Angelina Jolie sexy where her every move masters the sex appeal but I am the awkward, nerdy girl sexy. Just one flip of the thought and I have met my goal. I now can look in the mirror and know that I am sexy in my own way instead of looking at myself as an awkward, non-sexy woman.

What in your life can you change just by redirecting your thoughts to a different brainwave?

Ansleymarie.com