When Your Travel Crew Makes you Miserable

So, I've tried to convey that travelling or moving abroad with a family is a big thing. Sometimes amazing and sometimes hard, but in any case it's big. Not everyone is cut out for this.

When you're off on a big adventure it can be really tempting to say, "sure! You can come along. It'll be fun!" Be careful with those words.

It's a lovely idea, but reality may be not so cute. Courtesy of Google images

My oldest daughter regularly reminds me that I tend to not comprehend that others think differently from me. It's true. I can't imagine not liking adventure or travel. It really actually blows my mind. I always feel like someone must not be doing it right if they don't love it. That does not make it true though. Some people are simply not cut out for, nor interested in, this gig.

So, don't bring them. Or find a way to accommodate them. When I first moved down, I had someone in my crew who could not manage their own emotions and was unable to deal with being away from family. Now I've shared with you that I made some major mistakes in those early months. I was under a lot of stress. Having to manage (or ignore and feel guilty for not managing) someone who couldn't navigate their own ship was an added stress, especially because this was not my child. Be mindful of who you bring along.

Most of the original crew, minus the "difficult one."

You need to really know the people in your crew. This is not the time to start a commune with strangers. You need to know how everyone reacts under intense stress. And what they need to feel safe and at ease. This adventure stretches people in unexpected ways, so you need to know how they will react or if they’re cut out for it at all. You also need to really know how to communicate with them and navigate through troubled waters. Your relationships must be strong. It is not wise to make this leap in the midst of struggling relationships. It's not going to help. Believe me, I know.

In the case of anyone much over 10, they need to mostly be able to manage their emotions and effectively speak their needs. I don't mean to say people can't be sad or angry, but they will need to have skills to handle and move through those mostly on their own and know how and when to ask for help.

If you have a teenager who really needs their group of friends or can't handle big change, you may be better off waiting for them to move out. No one wants a miserable teen. If you have young children who get crazy when overstimulated, you need to make accommodations in your travel or new home to help them find quiet, calm, and rest. If it's your partner that doesn't relish the idea of travel, get a divorce. I'm kidding. Sort of. You may just have to travel without them.

I ended up with three of my four kids here. The oldest really needed his friends and was old enough to move out, slightly supported by his community in the US. The next teenager doesn't really like other teens that much and is happy to be home, baking and making art. Little kids are really malleable. They adjust pretty quickly to an alternative life.

My amazing firstborn. He's doing awesome on his own. <3

I have two littles. One does struggle with overstimulation, so we have to make sure we take it slow and provide plenty of time and space for him to be just with his core family unit and play quietly. If your child needs time to digest and decompress, don't put him on a go go schedule or drop him in a totally different culture without that space and then get mad when he's a terror. Again, I know of what I speak. I actually made this mistake on a trip back to the US to visit family. It was rough.

This amazing being needs down time!

If your kids need a lot of structure or classes or activities, that will limit travel time or where you can move if going abroad. In countries like Belize, children play happily outside for large chunks of the day, but there are almost no organized classes. You have to decide what is most important.

I believe the advantages of this life are many. Exposure to a wide variety of people, landscapes, and food helps all people, especially kids, to be more open, accepting, and flexible. Seeing the simple lives of the majority of the world is so beneficial for western children surrounded by commercialism, greed, and mass consumption.

Learning to live with the snail-paced bureaucracy and periodic infrastructure outages is helpful for all of us in learning patience. My kids don't think twice about finding simple games because they've been through dozens of electrical outages and waited in far too many long government lines. They are so adjustable. I've absolutely watched them invent games with plastic bottle lids.

This is what they can do with makeup in 15 minutes.

So, your crew needs to be flexible, independent, and adventurous. You need to know how to communicate with each other. You need to trust each other. You need to be ok with others’ discomfort. You need to adjust to the needs of your crew. You have to have really strong problem-solving abilities. When the shit hits the fan, you need to be able to think on your feet and figure out how to maneuver in unfamiliar circumstances and a very different culture. Oh, and everyone better be able to say sorry and also forgive.