My 20 Year Partnership is Over - It Has Been a Difficult Two Days

In 1997 I was at my buddy Clay's house with a couple other friends. On this fall evening, Clay had managed to acquire a can of Copenhagen Long Cut and he started passing it around to everyone. Now, I was familiar with what smokeless tobacco (dip) was but had never tried it. My dad had dipped for years but he hid it from us, or at least tried to. Okay, so back to Clay's bedroom. The can was being passed around and everyone was taking a pinch of dip out of the can and placing it between their gum and lower lip. When my turn came I gave the can a gentle thump, to pack the dip, and got my pinch out. I placed the Copenhagen into my mouth and it immediately had a unique flavor that I had never experienced, the second thing that happened was the rush. The rush of nicotine into my body was fantastic. For the first five minutes, I had the best head rush ever. No joke, it was a crazy high, my mood elevated and I was all smiles. I was hooked.

From that day on I was using dip on a daily basis. Now in the beginning it was two or three times a day, at the most. I mean this stuff was expensive and it was hard to get my hands on. I had one store in town I could go buy from but the right person had to be working. This store would later become useful for alcohol and an assortment of other items.

As time went on I had a dip in for the majority of my waking hours. I would put a dip in, watch the clock and after 45 minutes spit the dip out. Wait about 15-20 minutes and put another in. Now at this point I was fully addicted to nicotine and really the process of having something to do all the time. I was now using about 1/2 a can a day. This went on for several years. Eventually I got to where I had to have a can with me where ever I went and a drink to go along with the dip. If I could scrounge a spit bottle that was a good resource to have too but not a necessity.

Over the years I attempted to quit a few times and in 2001 I think I made it 3 or 4 months before going back to my love. Now, in 2017 I am at the 48 hour mark, and it is tough. I am really digging in here. Its not just the lack of nicotine, its that my buddy is gone. My travel companion, my after meal partner, get off of work and relax routine, the shoulder I leaned on when stress was hitting me. It sounds dramatic, and like I am being a little bitch, but this is a full-blown break-up. My ride-or-die is gone.

How am I dealing with this break-up? Well, I think about the money. I made a spreadsheet yesterday and I am fairly certain that my partner has cost me around $37,000. Now, this doesn't take into account the drinks I have bought just so I wouldn't get a dry mouth with a dip in, or drinks I have bought to rinse my mouth out with. Lets not even go down the dental road, holy crap. So yeah, my partner makes me feel good but she has cost me a lot and it is beyond time for this break-up to occur.