Stagnant. Stale. Dusty.
That’s me in this moment right now. It seems that the days get shorter and I am still waiting for my purpose to arrive. Or maybe my purpose already has and I just haven’t acknowledged it yet? So many questions. So many thoughts. I am torn on which direction I should take in this next chapter. Waiting for the answer to present itself like it always does but the waiting is almost agonizing. A lesson in patience. So I continue to breathe and wait and contemplate and try to flow along until.
Lately, I have realized that I really struggle in the area of social interaction, and mainly with people that I don’t have a long-standing communication with. It’s very difficult for me to maintain eye contact when speaking to someone. When they speak to me, however, it’s not a problem. Maybe I’m not as confident as I think I am about what’s coming out of my mouth? Maybe I think they are silently judging me? Maybe what I’m saying really isn’t in flow with what they need from me? As I write that, I see that humans make things so fucking complicated. Is it really this difficult to coexist on this level? Quite possibly or maybe not so much. I find that I am still searching for even just one person that I have a tribal connection with. And why am I so worried about that now when not even five years ago, this was the furthest from my mind? Of course, I was in a shitty job that that consumed my life and eventually cracked me wide open and the end result was a new me. I have changed so much since 2013. Different ways of thinking, open and ready to receive the blessings of the Universe. But in a way, there is some loneliness that comes with that. And maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be? We are each on our own path and maybe loneliness is just part of it. Lessons to be learned around every corner. But I long for a connection. I search for it when maybe I shouldn’t? Maybe it will just appear when I least expect it just like everything else has. Or maybe I am my own connection. Go deep within and there it is – everything that I’ve been longing for. Another test in patience. And so it is....
Moon Tribe art by Tiffanie Lynn Garcia
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