It was after my super secret stakeholders asset management meeting that I got the message from someone out of country saying everything was going up. The data from my super secret data sheets didn't show anything.

I had to know more so I put on my moon boots and exited from the submarine.

PWOOOOOSHHHHHHH!

I ejaculated out of the submarine squirting towards the surface and then activated my jetpack once I had escaped the moist blue.

I floated through space in a somewhat transcendental near death experience thing. I was still wet and soaking all over, and space was cold as hell. Thankfully the warm rays of the sun heated me up.

I landed on the moonbase and entered. I put on a helmet as the moonbase was low on oxygen. Something had happened,,,

It was dark and scary, and the lights flickered. I could see blood but no bodies. What had happened here?

"WAWAAAAA!"

I heard a scream down the stairs.

In the basemant there was a man locked up.

"Help me!" he said.

"HOw do I know you are not the badguy?" I said as I picked up a flamethrower and aimed it at his perhaps fake face hiding the alien hidden inside.

"I'm American!" he said.

I opened the cage and let him out. He then told me everything. The moonbase sex parties in the basement, the special cocktail mixes they used on the moon, moon pie recipes.

"But what happened?" I had to ask, cutting him short of his exhaustive information.

"I don't know I was in the cage for a month."

I threw him a shotgun and we headed upstairs.

The lights were all on! The moon base looked different.

"Am I on drugs?" I asked.

The American, whose name I would later find out to be Rican Ame after I received an invite to his wedding two years later which I ignored, looked into my eyes and saw that my pupils were mega dilated. Then I remembered I had taken some drugs earlier just in case.

"All to plane!" I said.

"Plane?" he asked.

"Choo choo!" I shouted running into the bathroom to escape.

Inside the bathroom we found the source of everything. Written on the women's bathroom mirror was MOONNNMANNN

"Oh my gosh! Someone must have said MOONNNMANNN over 9000 times. Now he will kill everyone on the moon and eat their souls eternally before he sleeps once more. We need to get our asses to Mars! Someone pulled the return lever and the moon is coming for the earth. The MOONNNMANNN will kill everyone! Let's go!" the American briefly explained.

As we turned a corner we saw the MOONNNMANNN down the end of the corridor. I almost cried. There were Ns all over and he looked so moonsterous.

"Fuck this shit! I'll save us mate!" the American said as he ran down the hall unloading shot after shot into the MOONNNMANNN, but the shots had no effect.

"What the fuck?" the American momentarily screamed as the MOONNNMANNN ripped the skull from his body, taking the spinal column with it.

I could see the American's eyes still moving. He would still be conscious for another fifteen seconds at least. I almost vomited as the MOONNNMANNN swallowed the head and spine whole. Did I mention the American invited me to the wedding? Oh my gosh I was on drugs,,,

I ran the other way throwing my flamethrower to the ground. I just sprinted. I didn't stop. I just kept running until I reached the other side of the hangar. I almost cried and shit myself when I saw the MOONNNMANNN on the other side trying to enter. Thankfully the bay door was closed.

I threw a bag of remote thermal grenades towards the door.

" Fuck you MOONNNMANNN " I bravely said as I jumped into a transport ship in record time and was already out by the time I had said the last N.

I detonated the thermal grenades, but then noticed a chain reaction happening. The bay contained the recent shipment of fuel. I escaped as I watched the moonbase and its core melt. The moon accelerated and crashed into the earth. Exploding. Everything was gone.

...
...
...

I floated.

Then I got a video message from the American. It looked like a head inside of a leech stomach nightmare hell.

"Don't worry about me mate! Not as bad as it looks in here! Now get your ass to Mars!" the American said.

I entered in the coordinates for Mars, where I would live out the rest of my days enjoying triple breasted woman, and with people believing I was the hero that saved the solar system from a monster that destroyed Earth and the Moon.

It was a win win.

The End

@RiskDebonair
Irish Writer, Poet, & Lover