In true Aquarian fashion, let's start at the end:
At this time, I type between bites of egg salad with bacon, onion, tomato, diced cucumber, and fresh basil leaves, wondering how what I want to say will come out in this article.
We know a buyer for the RV who wants to pick it up, tonight.
This partner who lives with me, Narek, leaves for Armenia on Monday. We plan to travel Saturday to 20 acres of land, where a young couple stay in a cob house with a milk goat, baby goat, 2 geese, five ducks, a greenhouse, a little garden, an assortment of trees, grasses, shrubs, vines, and predators, and a heap of potential. The Himalayan blackberry dominates the acreage, providing an opportunity to harvest blackberries to offer out the back of the little white wagon I drive in exchange for offerings to the ministry I operate. He might stay the night with me, there. I intend to stay there. He can drive back to Portland, sleep in the truck the night before the flight leaves, and get a car to the airport.
Since #QAnon disclosed about Checkmate: Armenia in code, via the above scene, he talks about moving back there. Maybe he really will move to Armenia. I count 20 months of living together, in relative peace, love, and stability. He says moving would be about Armenia. I still take it personally, sometimes, thinking "I don't have what he wants," or projecting it on him: "Maybe he's scared of commitment," -but even if that holds truth, it also deserves acceptance, not resistance. Whatever he does works out for him. I choose to trust him to know what he wants.
As much as I may miss him, I know other men. Marius arrives on the scene, the Day of Wrecking the Green Wagon by Driving Tired on an Unfamiliar & Dangerous Road. In another life, I celebrate 8 years of marriage to the former husband, that day. In another life, tomorrow brings the 10th anniversary. I no longer even know him, in this one.
Last year's anniversary, I tryst with Lyle, the ultimate teenage crush for me. I remember crushing on several annuals, but Lyle holds perennial affection from me. I see the 14 year old and the 17 year old in him and bring it out, remembering our dances and songs together, introducing him to the love I still carry from so long ago because, while I don't obsess, I do remember, and I do fantasize, which may or may not contribute to the way things materialize for me. I savor still, coming back from Utah, the text on the phone, right as I'm about to give a Tarot reading! the car north, just across the river, to the Hilton...
Besides these come-and-go, catch-as-catch-can busybodies, there lives in Utah a young Buck who loves Mod Sun and feels excited about growing things on 20 acres for fun & generated funding to propel a ministry & simple but comfortable living. He plans to join me around when I celebrate a birthday. Buck knows a lot for the years he carries, he sets to doing things with practicality.
So this anniversary eve, I sleep on foam on palettes under the stars with , dreaming the dreams of a crescent moon in Libra, with Narek beside me, feeling content about all this love surrounding me.
The gap from previous weeks come from my travel to Utah. I love recounting the times with Elder Daughter, call her Sprite. Sometimes she acts more like Shadow, but only when it suits her to disappear. She carries much magic, much power. She can foretell the future. She practices reading Tarot, she helps in the kitchen, and she climbs tall rocks:
She still feels vulnerable enough to want me. I miss her more than words can say. "There's no sunshine when she's gone" but I make it by... A shadow dwells over me, that I still wait to see Blue. She turns 4 at this fall equinox. I keep affirming through the tears, when Power allows, everything falls into place, and the man who fathers her, loves her well.
Another article brings you the story of Ben & Snake, how I remember marrying one, to carry a child by him, & then gain a child by the other before finalizing the divorce. For now, I tend the stuff I pack, sort, prepare it, across grass that grows dry & brown, not like the patch of green that shows itself below, from an earlier time in summer.
