Beautiful poem....how wondrous that double meaning of meconium I never knew.
In my case, I almost wish it were drugs that were in the middle of sanity (whole-some-ness/heartiness) and dakness. Alas this entity is more ominous still: pure fear. The opportunist who makes easy use of the wiring we know as autism.
RE: In Moments of Dark Despair
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In Moments of Dark Despair
Yes, I understand. Feared after posting that it might seem some attempt at making our situations the same. Only meant to be, an I commiserate and have experienced great pain, in the darkest hours, as a mother. Sometimes, there is nothing that can be said to relieve the gravity of a situation. Not easy to convey via a writing platform.
Just know your words touch me (in that periphery you write of) and that I am thinking of you.
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I completely got your sympathy and felt restored by it! To be honest I have likened my son to a drug-addict these past six months with his OCD relationship from hell.
As with drugs it is not the drugs that really breaks us but the irrational changes in behaviour, or the stripping away to reveal an empoverished/immature soul.
Even deeper: it's about what they cannot remember we agreed upon at conception or before.... How little they trust us; which is not the same as to test us (to test themselves) and grow stronger for it. A large part definitely also has to do with their awareness of having to let go (yes, they not just us!) and how this daunts them (almost too subconsciously).
When it concerns a serious addiction or a pervasive mental disorder it is not the same as turning to new horzions and maybe getting a little dizzy in the turning or tottering off in the wrong direction for a little of the way. It is the refusal to face the fear ....
Autism is a great hindrance to clear headedness as directed by the heart; as are addictions (@blankcanvas86 writes on the subject too today). I'd say the autism of my son shares a lot of problems known to arise with A-Z class narcotics (I make little distinction between soft and hard; and make them all legally available for all I care; let's leave people free to be responsible for themselves, but also listen and advise eachother wisely, and especially lovingly, not to promote escapism).
In fact, I even have found weed to be a particularly sly drug. (Though it comes in many varieties of varying strengths/effects.) Something happens in my son's autistic brain (neuro-system in general?), I noticed already when he was super young, which is simalar to the effects of using cannabis (but then also a bad trip with paranoia). There are neurons in the body (everywhere) called cannabinoid receptors which when inhibited (as by the drug) confound information on your status quo (which means a loss of self entirely in the young autist....and from that starting point the problems amass (and you spend your whole life patch working artificially/compensating).
Anyway, it means I am always very interested and empathic when it comes to people who have loved ones involved in drugs. (As a teen I wanted to join the DEA; but that is maybe because Sonny Crockett had an alligator for a pet and a cool set of wheels.)
(Cripes the bleach one needs for their wash!)
I have been watching how some of us (women) are distinctly more the Mothers of Mankind than that they will be fulfilled on a personal mothering level. Therefore we are bound to witness losses.... there is always going to be some kind of "natural" selection (which now seems to becoming ever more artificially intelligent).
Know your conveyance sails over the oceans without losing much to gravity.
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Period correct for the time I lived there, but the cops I knew did not drive Ferraris. Half of the Miami-Dade PD was in Jail and the other half on it's way there which made for interesting times.
Never thought of Motorcycle maintenance as a Zen like experience but it must have been; I'd still like to get back to restoring one from the ground up. (maybe an old Honda Cub)
I won't be posting as much as I used to. Things are not what they seem on this platform and I fully expect to get flagged as I support a few efforts that may expose a few things that will not be received well. I don't want to bring that here, even if all it means is that you have to "reveal comment" to see it.
My "following" list has been scrambled, I rarely see your posts in my feed and sometimes I just need to wait to get my vote back up above 0.02, but I am reading your posts :)
I have some friends with an autistic daughter, but they never, with me anyway, discussed what their long term plans were. I spent a lot of time there as we built a 31 ft sailboat in the basement over the course of a few years and it became obvious to me that she would never be able to live without some form of support and supervision. They did have some luck with their second daughter in that she's a real firecracker and loved dragging her older sibling along for all kinds of fun stuff, but I always wondered what would happen when she wants a family of her own. Since I'm not one to bud in, I figured I would find out when they did. Come to think of it, I should probably shoot them an email one of these days to see how they're doing.
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@onnovocks, My following list has also annoyingly been scrambled. Do you know why?
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I don't have any hard facts, but I'll venture a guess. Certain features were taken out to make it more cost effective to run Steemit, yes in the midst of all the Steemit, Inc. drama. What it looks like to me is that the feature in the code that arranged the listing in alphabetical order was taken out to save space, and now you see the listing in reverse chronological order, the way it was recorded on the block-chain, listing the most recent account we followed first.
Looks like the same happened with the follower list; the last one to follow us, is listed first. (as if you are looking from the present into the past)
Hope this makes sense, and again, that is what it looks like to me. Cheers!
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Yes, that makes sense. Thanks. I do wish it back the old way though :/
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Yeah, me too.
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Gathered your mood and approach to what's left of Steemit, the minute I set a foot back on here. (Hardly a sea-worthy 31ft sailboat that's been built here.) Know you well enough. Admire how you are still a warrior breaking a lance here and there for where it may still matter.
Clearly your picking up a word or two of mine every now and then (although I know you to be a thorough chap) seems to make a meaningful difference to me. Just like autism seems to pervade our times in often invisible and intangible ways, positive gestures and motions do too....
Thank you.
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Yes, what they can't remember--that seems a definite theme with children, men, friends, really so many and though there are people here on Steemit, and I'm sure in different parts of the world who are advancing by leaps and bounds in this understanding of spirituality it all seems to be occurring alongside masses of people who are stripping themselves of and rejecting all notions of these kinds of contracts.
Your insights on autism are fascinating and highlight specifics of the condition I've not heard from other's. I have wondered about a few very close people in my life and wonder whether they would be diagnosed if younger?
Miami Vice! I was a teen mother dressing my blonde, curly-haired son in pinks and pale blues modeling this very style and many an old person called him a she :)
Glad to know my conveyance sails :)
Might write more, but finding it difficult to focus while my daughter blasts some kind of infuriating death-metal while she showers :/
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Loved hearing the death-metal.
Came through the shower loud and clear.
I am not the only one trying to be driven insane!
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