so far 2018 can suck it...

Let me tell you this about me... I am a nurse. I am an experienced nurse yet, every day I still learn something new and I am still not immune to the tragedy I see. Please. Please... do not sleep with your babies..... Do not give them those sweet, beautiful absolutely amazing blankets.... those precious blankets that everyone buys you when they hear you are expecting... do not give them to your babies....save them for when your baby is older.... just save them. The tragedy of when these fleecy and fuzzy blankets suffocate a baby is a heart-wrenching. It is a devastating experience. It is an experience that I go through with these grieving mothers... I see their hurt.. I feel their hurt... i cannot even imagine how they hurt!

"But we loved her... the blanket was because we love her.... it was supposed to keep her warm.... it is so cold outside.... I just wanted to keep her warm and snuggle her... i loved her... oh my God, did this just happen?"

What do you say to a mother when you hand her her lifeless child.... her precious baby now resembles a plastic doll. Cold... Blue... stiff. Her warm, pink, precious, amazing baby is gone...he's gone and what can I say? ....

these are the really hard days. and you think about the mothers. all of the mothers you have grieved with over the years... and you repeat this baby's name in your head and you try to remember all of the babies names that were lost... and you can't help but feel guilty . guilty about feeling a relief that this tragedy did not happen to you...