“Keep friends close, enemies closer…” Knowing a manipulator well is your best defence. This lets you respond tactically to him. When abused, most people act like the abuser. Understanding why someone is doing this is very crucial.
Passive-aggressiveness stems from hostility. How conscious or unconscious their behaviour is is debatable. To the exposed person, this is unimportant. Aggression towards you is aggression, whether intentional or not.
Basic personality disorder sufferers do not employ their defence systems unintentionally. However, these strategies have become so routine for them that they perform them without thinking, although they are aware of how they effect others.
All manipulation aims to influence the other party to satisfy their needs. However, habitual manipulators employ deception and abuse for power and control.
Their behaviour is passive-aggressive. There are many lies they can tell to avoid criticism. They can act compassionately to attain their goals, adopt a frail framework, and seem astonished by your comments.
Can manipulate. Your victimisation will ensue. You may lose self-respect, trust in your feelings, thoughts, and identity.
Criticism, narcissism, and emotional abuse can be subtle or overt manipulation. Blaming, whining, comparing, lying, denying, fooling about, playing innocent, emotional blackmail, forgetfulness, inattention, fake concern, sympathy, apologies, presents, favours, etc. are manipulators' favourite tools.
Lying habitual people may lie at “unnecessary” occasions. They may lie to surprise you and gain what they want, not out of fear or remorse. Missing information or uncertainty is lying, even if everything is true.
These people's denial is different from the unconscious defence strategy used to avoid painful life experiences like abuse or death. To justify promises, commitments, and behaviours, manipulators deliberately deny. This strategy also employs rationalisation and excuses.
Manipulators avoid confrontation and responsibility at all costs. They may avoid discussing their behaviour by rejecting. They may add, "I don't want to talk about this anymore." You make me uneasy and guilty.
Manipulators can dodge by subtly altering the subject. They can excuse it with bragging or flattery and phrases you want to hear. They can distract you from your anger or feelings. Skilfully designed manipulations may be hard to spot. Consider what the other person says. Check their lifestyle against what they say.
The manipulator uses "projection," blaming others for their actions. Thus, they persuade you feel their flaws, blunders, and errors are yours. Manipulators believe, “The best defence is a good offense.”
Blaming others and playing the victim always works. The manipulator, the real criminal, plays the “innocent,” leaving the victims guilty and ashamed.
Guilt and humiliation weaken you and place the spotlight on you. Manipulator succeeds and feels superior. You discover your partner's infidelity on his phone. Your manipulator accuses you of illegally monitoring his phone. He rapidly turns the spotlight back on you with more trump cards you may be incorrect about.
Shaming is more worse than blaming to make you feel inadequate! They shame you for your behaviour, personality, and thoughts.