Taking control of self

What is taking control of self? To take control would imply that you had control and then in one point in time you loss that control of self. What does it matter to me to be in control of self? To me it means that I respond to any situations or events in a manner that I am aware consciously of such situation in a proportion of the effect or importance of the matter observed. When we are not in control we tend to react automatically or unconsciously in disproportion to the effect or importance of the such situation. For example a person that quickly loses his temper will have a hard time to respond in adequate proportion of the importance of the situation occurring at that particular moment. A man that is tranquil and listens openly with the intention to learn will allow him to make a decision. Listening is a skill and can be achieved gradually. When we listen we allow the other person to express his/her thoughts without judgement and without interrupting the other person. We listen when our purpose is to seek understanding of the persons thoughts, emotions and feelings with the intention to add value to him/her. In my own experience I used to only pay attention to what the other person would and quickly interrupt as I had an opinion in mind; I just could not hold on to my opinion or judgment, it was like fire in my mouth that I just had to spit it out! When we don't listen, we are just hearing words and try to analyze to prove a point. When we don't listen, we interrupt to either add on to the person's comments or point of view; we may feel that they are telling us we ought to be doing things right and that implies that we are not meeting expectations. We tend to say, "Yeah, Yeah" that's right" - because the words we hear bother us too much and don't like to be told what to do because it makes us feel of less value. But is our value based on our own identity or external things? Not necessarily, if we value our selves based on identity and something changes that we no longer can be exactly what we use to be, then, we will devalue our self. When I was younger I could run 11 miles under 90 minutes; now it probably takes me 120 minutes. But does that make me less valuable? The reality is that it does not. I felt good being able to run 11 miles under 90 minutes at that time in life, I felt I was successful. However, success is not achievement or a destination. Success is what I can do at the present moment with what I got as skills and talents; is the difference between I can do and what I haven't done.