Assertiveness is the state of being self-assured and confident despite being in a situation where you are not in control. In the world of clinical psychology and psychotherapy, assertiveness is a useful mode of non-verbal communication. It is used by clients and therapists alike as a tool for communication and conflict resolution. It may also be used when there is an attempt to build a relationship on the defensive and the relationship is more difficult to build because one party feels vulnerable. In this case assertiveness can help guide the client and make him feel strong enough to build a loving relationship.
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In addition, the state of assertiveness helps people to have courage to face difficult conversations and situations in the workplace or with friends and family. This is important in building confidence because one must face his fears if he wants to improve his self-esteem. Fear is one of the primary causes of low self-esteem. If you are a person who suffers from low self-esteem, then coping with difficult conversations, overcoming shyness, and making eye contact with your clients will go a long way to improving your self-esteem.
When I was working in the psychotherapy workshop where I am a Clinical Psychotherapist, I often heard clients talk about how they felt like expressing their anger through yelling. I always understood that this type of behavior required a short period of recovery from the loss of energy and feelings, but it also required assertiveness on the part of the person to effectively deal with the negative feelings that he/she was experiencing. Here are some of the things I have noticed over the years that makes aggressive people feel like they cannot express themselves.
Being passive is an expression of feelings that is often accompanied with aggression. When you are passive, the person feels like he/she is unable to respond, voice out what is being said and defend the opinions that they have. Being assertively responds to the needs and wants of others and provides a sense of power that the person is capable of defending their point of view.
As therapists and counselors we need to be able to practice the best qualities of assertiveness within ourselves and with clients. The best characteristics to practice include being passive and non-hostile and being non-interactively aggressive. Being passive and non-aggressive is often one of the best qualities to practice because it allows the client space to listen and reflect on what is being said without becoming defensive. When clients are able to be passive and non-hostile, it allows them to hear what someone is saying and absorb the information. Being non-interactively aggressive actually gives the client a space to think and process the information.
When we are passive and our clients are aggressive, we may even inadvertently give them more power. We may not even realize that we are giving them more power than they really want or need. Because we are not actively communicating with them, we don't realize that we are opening the door for more negative feedback. It may even feel like we are not responding to what they are trying to say, but in reality we are giving them space to process the information and make an informed decision about how they will respond.
Being passive and not taking an active role in the situation also allows clients to learn to take their feelings and thoughts in and deal with them effectively. They learn to keep their feelings in check and not let their feelings get the best of them. Being assertive in situations allows the individual to express their feelings without fear of being criticized or judged. This may even help the person with whom they are interacting feel better and improve their self image. Being assertive in one's interactions may even help the individual with whom they are interacting feel less threatened and more comfortable expressing their frustrations or feelings of frustration.
Using assertiveness is a proactive way to deal with clients who are displaying an aggressive attitude and may need some feedback on how they are managing their emotions and managing their problems. As an assertive communicator it will be up to you to help them work through their feelings of anger, frustration, stress and help them to communicate their needs effectively so that they do not continue to be uncooperative. Remember though, when working with an aggressive individual it may be necessary to use some assertiveness techniques just to maintain control. Remember, if you ever feel the urge to become passive and avoid getting into a heated conversation, stop yourself and think about the benefits of using assertiveness instead.