Day after day the dream we tied up was even stronger even the storm could not break the bond of our dreams. and I started to dare to move on to what I found difficult. Me and my everything are always fighting, and hope that one day dream that we tie together that we can letakkkan on pole higher. The highest pillar is the key to our success. if we were able to hang our dreams on the pole then we could also help other people's dreams and put them on the higher pole again.
But one day it happened, I saw the dream I hung was lying under the pillars of the sky. What is it? Why did my dream fall? What a night wind too swiftly until the dream tied with the rope of patience that can fall again even destroyed leaving pieces. But wait, why only my dreams fall while my everything dreams are one level higher than where we originally tied up those dreams. I asked a man who shared his dream on the adjacent celestial pillar of our dream pillar.
"Can you tell me what happened until my dream fell like this?"
Someone was reluctant to answer. He just shook his head while looking at my face with compassion. There is doubt in his face.
"Just say it! I will keep everything secret. What's that cruel wind that has dropped my dream? "I say hopefully.
"Someone you say as my everything has dropped your dream last night. He said if you are still hanging a dream together then there you just slow down the journey of his dream. "
I was stunned to hear it. How could someone who I regarded as my everything dropped my dreams until it was torn to pieces. Does not he feel sorry for me who has desperately wrote and hung it painfully on the pillar of the sky.
Oh, where will I bring my aching heart. A heart filled with disappointment for being betrayed by someone I consider my everything. Where is the reply to me who has regarded her as my everything? And is there more pain than this? Shall I dream of broken dreams for the umpteenth time?
No one can answer those questions that there is only a sun-drenched silence. I decided to reassemble the pieces of my dream. And take it away with a gaping wound. And all the things that happened, why so sick when hoping with fellow human beings. And I decided not to hope with anyone more human. Because every time I look to human beings, especially to those I perceive as my everything, the results I get are nothing, zero, big zero.
I walked back on the narrow path, walled with thorns and covered with sharp gravel. Which if I fell once once then the thorns and pebbles did not hesitate to hurt me without mercy. By carrying all my hearts that are almost destroyed, I still resist the swift currents of the wind. Sometimes I scold garbage and dry leaves without feeling. Sometimes I cried mourn the pain and disappointment. Sometimes I run around chasing the life justice that I can not get. I screamed as loudly as I could until the animals felt uncomfortable.
From this difficult journey. I have reached the intersection of the road to surrender or to travel with a million tribulations. But I decided not to choose both, I chose the way home. I know right now that I need someone to lean on. Though I knew that someone would not help me much but I was sure that at least that person could calm me down from the cruel world.
I met the woman I call my mother. Crying, lamenting my hard life and always failing. I tell you all the bitterness of the world. I explained how sick betrayal is. How exhausting it is to build hope. But what did I get? I got a very strong slap. What is this?
"Mom, not the slap I need right now. I need help to conquer our life which is getting more and more suffocating. I need your help to make me a man capable of building my dreams again. I need your support to be a stronger woman as fresh as you are. "
My mom did not answer then she kissed me.
"Are you happy?"
I nodded.
No sound came out of my mouth. My mother was right, but where would I start this journey. which pillar is where my dream begins to hang.
"Start on the path you most want to tapaki son. Start on the pole closest to you son. You do not always get what you want but God who knows all, He is the one who knows best about something good for you. "
I came out of the house carrying all the confusion, anxiety, and fear that I immediately faced, no stock I had brought. It's just that I bring trouble that I have long saved as a weapon. Started walking again, assembling my broken dreams, battling the ocean currents of life, fighting a storm ready to wiggle. Tanya asked, until when I will walk aimlessly. I felt very tired and started looking for temporary tired remedies. I have not found it yet. I continued this journey even by crawling.
I tried to restart my dreams one by one. Dreams that have been torn into small pieces created by the pengkhiatan. Once somebody asked me:
"Why did you re-string the pieces of those dreams? It's useless, your life has been hard and full of pain. You will not be able to do it again. See your face filled with disappointment and your feet are also full of blood sores. Stop dreaming, the world is cruel to human papah like us. Later you will be more disappointed because of your unreal dreams. "

It may be true that if I continue to dare to re-arrange the dreams I will be more disappointed if the dream is not real. But, does not my mother say if I still have the shield he gave to God. how vain the dreams I have written with difficulty buried in unison with my never-ending disappointment. No! I will continue my dream, put it back together and I will hang it on a tall sky pole even higher than the dream of someone I once called my everything.
I still walk with me and my dreams. Although I do not know the end of this path I choose. but I still believe that there. At the end of this path I will point to a clear lake that will relieve thirst, the place to wash the wounded blood.
On a hot day filled with the stench of stinging sweat. I sat under a tree as a stopover for the journey of life I had searched. Somebody gives me a fresh air tired release. He gave me a clue that at the end of this path I selected there was a bridge to the lake. Well, the lake I imagined was actually there. He told me to run fast so I quickly reached the bridge. Someone said that this bridge will not give you a second chance, once I give it this chance then do your best.
Rushing me to the bridge that did not have a second chance, this bridge is only for those who do not give up let alone despair. And I'm really on the lip of this bridge. deftly I stepped, carefully so that I did not misstep. I do not want to step on my feet in vain. The opportunity to pass this bridge I will not get twice.
The bridge to the lake is very long and foggy. My eyes could not see clearly what was going to happen. So all I'm doing is just stepping carefully. Be very careful. In fact, this bridge is not as smooth as I imagined it to be. Why do so many obstacles I face every time I choose a path. On this bridge sometimes I fall down to my knees bleed, sometimes this bridge feels there are humps to force me to climb, sometimes I am also found in the dark alleys that increasingly make the dark vision. Sometimes my legs slip until I almost fall into a very deep abyss until I'm sure when someone falls into the abyss he will not be able to rise again.
For years I have been following this bridge that has taught me many lessons. Science to fight the world is increasingly growing. Every now and then the science I have learned from my experience I share with people who need guidance. I'm sure though not much at least science that they can use to move to the next stage. Oh when does this trip lead. May I say take me very tired ..?
Suddenly one day when I woke up from my deep sleep. Seeing a beam of orange light in the east there. The light slowly but surely illuminates little by little guiding my steps toward the lake of life. My place to wash the wounds and grief tired hang a dream that does not come.
And in the end I can breathe the sweetness of the lake water of life I fought to get it. Much has passed, the failure of my dreams, the betrayal of endless disappointment and bitterness and insuffi- cation due to limitations.
Today, I began rebuilding my hopes and dreams that had once been broken into pieces. The dream was over after I reconstructed like playing a puzzle without a clue. The shield the mother entrusted to God had given me today. with that shield I can also hang my dream higher than the pillar of the sky even one step higher above the sky. The tribulation I once felt paid off when I saw my mother and sister smiling happily when my toga sign of passing through any obstacle to hang the dream.
Four years already I passed the streets full of treason. My mother's teachings stick to that to see how beautiful the scenery on the mountain at least I have to climb first. There is no instant way to enjoy the lake of life that there are only difficult roads that any time can slam my body whenever he wants. Make the most of an opportunity when he comes, not wasted because the opportunity is lost at any time without giving a second time.
I have indeed managed to hang my dream one step higher above the sky. But challenges and obstacles are back waiting when I open the next level gate. But one thing that has been attached to me that nothing will mean when I'm too hopeful in humans, that there are only wounded wounds that are saddened by disappointment, enough to God and only to God. God has created many choices of paths to pass, and the guide is here, in the heart of which will choose which path I will curse. Life is a choice and in the end it must choose. Choosing to stay dreaming or not the answer is here, at heart.
- This writing is written when I feel pain and betrayal for being too hopeful in humans.