A lot of people like pity. Being too friendly can lead to problems you didn't expect.
Let's say a close friend wants to tell you about their issues. Because you understand his situation, you're willing to meet for coffee. You listen to everything he says. How did the meeting make you feel or what did you think?
Could it be that I'm tired? Is there anything important or missing from this situation? Are you ready to go? Please talk about an unsatisfactory problem.
When this happens, we feel sorry for our loved ones to show our support and help them. People who feel sorry for each other may both say what they think about the same subject. It might be hard for the caring person to stay neutral and help, which makes it hard to reach a good outcome.
Stressing individual accountability helps us remember that people are in charge of their actions and decisions, which might help us see things more clearly. We know how important it is to help and understand, but we also need to know our bounds.
Someone who has a lot of understanding might have a different view. Compassion means understanding how someone else feels while still keeping your own feelings in check. Being compassionate means not judging or blaming other people. As witnesses, we don't let our worries and feelings get in the way of our hearts like we do when we sympathise.
Let's look at the example again. If you care about your friend, pay attention to what they have to say. Before you impose answers, ask them deep questions like: to understand their point of view.
What do you think about what's going on?
How do you feel the most?
What steps have you taken to fix this problem?
Which exact things do you want from me?
You care about your friend's problems and want to help them find the best solutions when you act in this way. You can say no to your friend's request if you don't know how to do it, like in the last question. This doesn't mean I don't like them. People usually say that you should put your own needs first because ignoring them can make you angry and unhappy.
The questions I asked above are about feelings and worries because knowing yourself is important for solving issues. Being aware of our feelings helps us act in a more healthy way. Because he thinks about the past, he looks for answers in that way. Focusing on our inner selves makes us more present and clear.
This lets us solve the problem at hand without having to look back at what we've already done. Compassion can also boost your intuition and help you find answers that are good for everyone.
You might be able to tell how much sympathy or kindness you showed someone by thinking about how you felt after the interview. Pay attention to whether you feel tired or inspired. Being sympathetic can drain your energy, but being compassionate can help you get your energy back.
Thank you, friend!
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