"What is wrong with you?"😞
"Don't you think?"🙁
"Clean your room! This isn't a pig stye!"☹️
I have said similar things to my kids...or even worse... I doubt that I'm the only one.
We are each trying our best to help our children become RESILIENT, HAPPY, CONFIDENT people. These qualities don't just appear. Our words, tone of voice, and facial expressions "code" how our children think about themselves.
My parents are wonderful people, but they used condescending phrases in an attempt to "toughen us up." I understand the mindset, unfortunately that isn't what the science shows. When we repetitievely use negative phrases our children begin to speak to themselves in a similar manner.
One negative phrase isn't cancelled out by a positive phrase. Negative events are more impressionable on our brains than a positive events. When I think of some of the words I've said to my children or phrases that I've heard other people say, I cringe.😫 Not because I'm judging...but because the words aren't helping us achieve our goals.
Using negative phrases with our children is similar to a computer programmer typing in the wrong "code" and expecting a program to work correctly.
I've been working on not saying the first thing that comes to my mind when I'm frustrated by taking a few deep breaths and using phrases (like the ones below) that "code" confidence while still correcting.
I'd love to hear other phrases that build your children's confidence!
All the best,
Shannon
