Saw The Ghost In The Shell movie!! Plus ghosts of my head in the shell that is my skull

I thought the movie was as good as the original cartoon! Was entertaining show cause there was always something to look at. No romance which is great! Some good action and special effects. I like how it kept to the Japanese theme.

I've been freaking out with the ghosts in my head. Seemed to have gone back to that place of getting the creeps from awareness of unsavoury institutions and attitude/mood of most of the mass of people I meet. I grew up with a parent afraid everyone was out to get you. Yea I'm feeling kinda like that. Not so much scared but feeling the creeps real good. I feel the zombie apocalypse where most everyone seems a bit like a sociopath. I've sensed that throughout life but it has come keenly to my attention. Realising just how wrong some people are acting and the situation they are in.

I had a relative who was into hard drugs. I knew a young neighbor who got methed out real bad when he got a bit older. That is obviously bad and very sad. The relative is doing way better in life now! So yea people can change and I don't have to stay grim. But just seeing how actually bad it was when a friend dated someone who consumed mass amount of substance and died from ghb overdose. And that person in question tells me they think life is a game. That is so fucked. Maybe allot of people are like that. There's nothing I can do with that. I can't be a friend even if I like that person. They are someone else in night life and I don't want to be a part of that. And I feel the isolation from it and how isolated and desperate that person must feel. Yet they act like nothing is wrong. It's just a game, even when someone dies. That's so horrible, makes me want to scream. And I do. I used to wake up screaming

I don't want to feel down and hurt. I don't want to give in. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to have a fetish or addiction cause of my lonliness and sense of longing. Doing that would sabotage my true feelings and authentic self. This society of smuggery does not deserve my sacrifice to it. I won't internalise bully voices that tell me I'm trash and scum just so I can have the freedumb to do whatever I want. I've had habits but I don't fetish or glorify them. I won't let the apocalyptic view get me either. I agree more with R.E.M. - it's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. Ok well might as well have a positive apocalypse then. An apocalypse worth having. I can feel more than fine about that.