Geostorm - Movie Review

The Geo Storm was a shit car made in the early 1990s. Geostorm is a shit movie made in 2017. How appropriate. Disaster films are generally hit or miss. Usually more miss than hit. So it is not surprising that this venture into the genre missed as well. More surprising? That I went to see this movie in IMax 3D. Of course, I went to that showing because I had a free pass to see any movie I wanted to see at the theater. I figured Geostorm might benefit from the format since it appears to be a special effects oriented film.

Following a series of severe storms, the United States joins with several other countries to build a satellite net that surrounds the earth. This network of satellites monitors the weather, deploying countermeasures to developing storms. The network effectively stops destructive storms before they happen. When the system begins to malfunction, serious weather issues appear in diverse parts of the world. A hard freeze in the Afghan desert. Heat pulses in Hong Kong. Tidal waves in Dubai. The best person to debug the malfunctioning network is its inventor, Jake Lawson (Gerald Butler). His brother, Max (Jim Sturgess), just happens to be Under-Secretary of State. The pair have are somewhat estranged, but must work together to save the planet.

Geostorm is a hot mess. The premise of the movie is that a shadow government is attempting to kill off the leadership of the US, destroy US enemies around the world and maintain sole ownership and control of the weather net. The brothers are chosen years in advance by a calculating insider, one given a very high level job, in order to facilitate the coup. The brothers are considered too dumb to figure out what's going on. Of course, one of them actually developed the most advanced piece of technology known to the world. But hey, we have to make the story fit, right? The brothers, who easily overcome their anger at each other, are allegedly estranged over Max having to fire Jake years earlier because he was a hotheaded cowboy. It's not even hokey. It's ridiculous. The dialogue between the two is horrible. It is so bad, it would make your average soap opera seem like Shakespeare.

To further facilitate this fully contrived script, Max just happens to be dating Secret Service "Barbie." His love interest is Sarah (Abbie Cornish) who just happens to be a Secret Service Agent on the Presidential Detail. Even if I were to buy into this massive coincidence, the idea that this agent would have access to White House files is ridiculous. Her passwords would be for Homeland Security systems, not White House systems. The two are not the same. And Cornish gave what I will have to call "the worst performance by an actor in 2017." She gets the anti-Oscar. She was horrible. According to IMDb, she is an award winning actress. This film must have brought out the worst in her. The performances throughout this film were mixed. Ed Harris was decent as Secretary of State, in spite of the thin writing. I had the plot figured out pretty quick in spite of the tepid attempt to suggest a different set of circumstances. It was a hackneyed concept that was paper thin.

So there was a redeeming quality to this film. The special effects did measure up. But special effects alone do not make a film. For 120 million dollars, they could have bought a plot. I am sure there is a hungry writer out there who would have written something worthwhile for all those effects. Director Dean Devlin co-wrote this script with Paul Guyot. Neither has written anything that impresses me. Although Devlin has been associated with some good projects. But I digress. Back to special effects. The space station was well conceived and richly detailed. While there was an entirely farcical episode or two outside the station, the special effects related to those scenes were superb. If I were going just for the special effects, I may have felt satisfied. But honestly, who pays IMax prices to see tripe like this? I'm just glad it didn't cost me any money.

If you have seen any other disaster film, you have seen Geostorm. There is nothing unique or special about this film. The concept is poorly conceived and incredibly contrived. The dialogue is poorly constructed, the plot is ridiculous, the acting was lame at times...essentially, this was a big budget film that wasted everyone's time. They spent all their money on special effects and nothing on creating a story worth telling. If you like special effects, it may be worth streaming for free one day. But I have to go with a non-recommendation. This film is definitely going to lose money. 4/10.