One Million Years B.C. - Movie Review

Was this film for real? I am not sure what Director Don Chafey was thinking when he made this film in 1966. Knowing his thought process might shed some light on this somewhat enjoyable film. The title, One MillionYears B.C. sort of indicates the type of exaggeration that we find in this film. Was it meant tongue-in-cheek? I hope so.

This film takes place seemingly days after the first organism oozed out of the primordial soup (talk about progress). The anachronistic setting has incredible inconsistencies, throwing together every pre-historic concept into a single storyline. Our caveman hero Tumak (John Richardson) is part of an isolated rock tribe that has not yet mastered the art of tool making. They rule through an Alpha Male system where leadership, like hunting techniques involves more brute force than cunning. Tumak appears to be the up-and-coming Alpha, making him a threat to the aging clan leader. Tumak is pushed from a cliff in a standoff, but survives.

Tumak sets out on a journey through the lava wasteland of his pre-historic neighborhood. He encounters a wide variety of over-sized bugs and reptiles that make Godzilla look CGI-quality in comparison. He encounters some less developed hominids on his journey, wasting an opportunity for some good cinematic intensity. His journey finally brings him to a tribe of shell people (neighbors) that are all blond-haired. An instant love story evolves between Tumak and the fair haired Loana (Raquel Welch). Tumak spends a few days with the clan, discovering their many tools. When he is banished back to his home tribe, Loana goes with him. His return coincides with a leadership show-down that is interrupted by a volcanic eruption, which somehow thrusts the tribes together on a new journey. And they all (or some of them) lived happily ever after.

Aside from the numerous anachronisms, One Million Years BC actually has a plot. The characters are a bit far-fetched, but the story does a good job of creating meaning without dialogue (there are a few caveman words that are easy to interpret through non-verbal communication). The story is a bit simplistic, with campy action sequences that are ridiculous, even humorous, maybe. I am not sure if that was the effect desired when Michael Carreras (et al) wrote this script. The film has some age on it (1966), with obvious technical limitations, but was strangely amusing. The film is actually based on a much older version starring Lon Chaney, which was released in 1940. While severely flawed, the film provided some mindless entertainment.

There was not much acting in this film, so much as people running around half-naked grunting and snatching things away from each other. The acting was pathetic at its core, but that feeds into the campy feel of the film. While Raquel Welch was easy on the eyes, it seemed every other caveman sported uncombed mullets. Welch complemented her stylish hair with eye shadow and eye liner, which must have been an invention of her shell people. The acting was decent enough for the story, fitting in with the overall theme of tasteless fun.

I would surprisingly recommend One Million Years BC...just because. The film doesn't have any exceptional qualities, but it was interesting to see a film from the 1960s that was so laughably tasteless. I have only seen clips of this film over the years, normally poking fun. I am glad I finally took the time to watch the entire film. It was actually sort of engaging in a why-am-I-actually-watching-this sort of way. 6/10. Definitely a rainy day rental.

Photos and trailer property of Associated British-Pathe.