What Movies Have Taught Me

If someone tells how they are ever so happy and just got a child, they are destined to die soon.

Bad men almost always are a bit rough looking because "beautiful" men aren't bad.

If a bad guy is traditionally handsome, the bad guy always has awesome hair and clothes.

"Ugly" chicks almost never get the main role. Then again if an "ugly" chick is the main character, the role is played by a beautiful chick who is made ugly with glasses, greasy hair, gray clothes and a worn out sweater and of course braces depending on the age of the character.

The characters almost never go to the bathroom to actually do what people mainly do in there or what toilets actually are for.

If someone asks where the bathroom is, that is just a plan to search the house. All the other rooms except the bathroom.

If someone does actually go to the bathroom, they are hiding in there, trying to escape from the bathroom window, doing drugs or getting rid of drugs by trying to flush the drugs down the drain, hiding a weapon or getting one from a hidden place that is always the toilet seat tank, having sex, committing suicide in the bathtub, checking if the microphone attached is still in its place or just washing their face and staring at themselves in the mirror.

It is almost impossible for the main character to be an old woman. Unless the movie is about old women. If one of the characters is an old woman, it is almost never payed by an old woman.

If someone who has never driven a car, is suddenly for some reason driving a car, they learn to do that in just few seconds and with only couple of advises.

A gunfight is almost always unfair to bad guys. No matter the firepower or the amount of people shooting or with what kind of guns.

The amount of beating that goes on in action movies should paralyze or at least cause a concussion to the fighters but usually the main characters get only couple of scratches. Unless it is time for the movie to end.

If a horror movie has a scene where there are two options, run a way or go look, the character always chooses the second one. Preferably alone.

Fortunately we have passed the point where in a group the only one who is different in any way (skin color, weight, age, ugly chick...) gets killed first. Or have we?