Steel Tongue Sundays #3: Facing my fears

in music •  7 years ago 


Steel Tongue Sundays, Island Edition

Providencia Island, Columbia

Shortly after this video was taken, a girl swims up to the shore, snorkel poking out the top of the clear water and immerses from the sea looking like a mermaid with a golden wrap around her hair. Her name was Helena and in a beautiful twist of fate, she tells me she's the island singer.

So that evening, after 2 short months of playing this drum, I find myself walking to my first ever band practice.

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We walk up the steps, round the back of houses and through the banana trees, until we find 3 hammocks resting beneath a little white house, nestled in amongst the trees.

I meet the band members - one man native to the island, looks about 45, high as a kite and cool as a cucumber, holding the island instrument - a large silver pot with a wooden stick and long piece of thick string attached. Next, we had “Miss Sidney” on keyboard. A 70 something year old Irish woman who’d lived on the island for 27 years, along with my beautiful mermaid on guitar with her angelic vocals. Add in a blonde brit and we made for an eclectic bunch.

They start to play Helena’s songs. I play with them. But my mind begins to creep in… It’s telling me I’m an amateur, I have no idea what I’m doing, over and over until the cogs in my head begin to crack under the illusory pressure of my inexperience. Release…

Saturday night comes and I’m feeling nervous, but grateful for the opportunity to tackle some fear, determined to give it my all. We turn up and its a tiny restaurant with 20 odd tables - I’ve really been making a big deal out of nothing. Yet when we start playing, my mind comes in so strong I spiral to the point that I (laughing as I write this) PRETEND to play? Poor Helena thinks there’s something wrong with the mic and puts her mic to my silent drumming… Until I manage to muster three singular notes looped round for what seemed like a lifetime.

I leave wanting to be so hard on myself, “how did I allow myself to make this about me and not Helena’s song?!”, but we all know how much good that does. So instead I look to my heart, listen and feel what needs to be learnt....

"The music was never yours to be embarrassed about. Instead, move into the audience as you play and feel gratitude for the creativity being expressed through you, not by you"

Lessons in surrender… In non identification... And stage fright :-)

Happy Sunday

All love,
Faye

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What an angelic sounding instrument!

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