The following is my short story entry for @benjojo's Nanomancer creative writing competition. If you are not familiar with this project, it is a dynamic fantasy/sci-fi story he created that will evolve over time based on character development and story-lines contributed by Steemit users.
This project is about working together to create a world by building a body of work that anyone can build upon which will hopefully inspire and entertain us all. - @benjojo
Nanomancer: Fall of the Dwarves - Part 1
Long after the bitter war for the Mountains of the Sky, a land of beauty and peace, and home of the Goblins had ended, an uneasy grudge was held by the Dwarves. After their defeat, they remained isolated in the vast network of caverns and tunnels running under the Northern grasslands and forest regions. The loss was never forgotten, one day they would have their chance to rise again and take the lands of the Goblins.
That day would never come to pass.
One evening, as the various tribes of Dwarves were preparing for their nightly feast, a massive shock-wave rippled through the psyonic energy field that emanated throughout the planet, the energy that powered the incredible abilities of all the living things on Gethyra. The surge was strongest near the Caverns of the Dwarves and all those closest to the entrances dropped to the ground holding their heads in excruciating pain.
Fearing it was a surprise attack from the Goblins, the Dwarves near the entrances gathered all their strength and all their mental energies started to combine as they desperately tried to summon the ancient powers of Gundenbroc. The ground started to tremble and heave as they began to connect with the rocks to form a defensive position to guard the openings. At that moment, a second stronger surge pulsed through the psyonic energy and threw the mighty Dwarves backwards to the ground. Weakened and disorientated, they had no idea of what was to come.
A high-pitched crackling sound, not unlike white noise, grew louder and louder. It was the sound of millions of nanobots swarming down upon the helpless victims.
This was the day Nanomancer arrived on Gethyra.
A wave of battle-ready Dwarves clamored up the passage ways towards the openings - they were horrified by what they saw. In the distance, a being descended to the ground as their fallen brethren were being overrun by the nanobots. The sound was deafening and sent chills up their spines. As the being moved closer, the Dwarves were able to see their enemy. It was not the Goblins, it was not of their world.Long flowing robes fluttered in the wind exposing its pale metallic-blue skin, long limbs and razor-sharp nails. Its face was shrouded in a cybernetic headpiece with wide-set optical lobes, its large pulsing brain clearly visible through a clear encasement at the top. Its eyes were dark, black as night, but it was obvious even to the less intelligent Dwarves that this creature saw the world through its technology. As it began to connect with the planet's psyonic energy, the optical orbs began to glow, and images of death and destruction flashed in the Dwarves' minds. Terror and panic raced through them as they retreated deep into the caverns.
Just then, the energy surges had stopped, this was the break they needed. Dozens of Dwarves joined together at the tunnel entrances to summon Gundenbroc. This time they successfully connected to the rocks of the caves, becoming as one, and creating a solid, immovable wall. The others, frightened and not knowing what was going on, were now safe inside - for now.
As the hours passed, the noise echoing down from outside subsided, and an eerie calm settled around them. The defending Dwarves released their energy connections with the rocks and slowly opened the passage ways. The morning light filled the caverns as a small scout team went ahead to survey the scene and search for survivors.
There was nothing. No survivors, no bodies, no grasses, no trees - nothing. The land around the caverns was stripped down to the bare rocks. A fine black powdery residue covered the ground and puffed up into the air as they walked around trying to comprehend what just happened.
There was a smell, a smell in the dust kicked up that was disturbingly familiar - like singed flesh and burnt metal. As they breathed in the fine dust their lungs began to tingle. It's just dust, they continued to look around.
The invasion had begun. The Dwarves had no idea the Nanomancer's nanobots lay dormant in the dust. With each breath, they sealed their fate.
To be continued...
Original Story Created by: @benjojo
"Fall of the Dwarves" Short Story by: @steempowerpics
Word Count: 693
Original Nanomancer Character Concept by: @artwatch
Nanomancer Character Changes by: @steempowerpics
Let me know what you think, please leave your comments below.
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Thanks for reading!
I need Part 2 like now! Haha I love fantasy and dwarves!
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LOL - I did start on part 2. I will see how this progresses. The project by @benjojo is open to everyone to contribute to over time. It's really cool. We are all guiding the development of the story.
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Kinda like a chose your own adventure / D&D of sorts haha :)
I'd love to see how this story develops!
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You have absolutely nailed the brief. Really well done.
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Thank you @benjojo. I hope it makes a good edition to the story-line.
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An effort like this most definitely enriches the world we're building.
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Thank you. I do have Part 2 started. So I can add that after this as you continue the story.
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Absolutely awesome. I'd like to discuss your story and go further into what I think but I won't do that until after the competition because I want to be as fair as possible!
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understood :-)
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Good world building - lots of "telling" vs showing, but the narrative pace is swifter when we use exposition instead of as-it-happens, Deep POV narrative. Phrases like "Just then" are red-inked in fiction workshops, nowadays (I didn't make that one up). So also are "echoes" - two paragraphs in a row beginning with the same words - especially when the words are considered "Passive Voice" -- There was nothing follwed by *There was a smell, a smell in the dust kicked up that was disturbingly * -- (was, was, was) -- but these are easy edits to learn how to make in our own first drafts. Fiction Workshop at Discord is a great place to go for help with that. I need to post something on the ubiquitous comma splice - shows up everywhere these days. E.g. It's just dust, they continued to look around. As I said, this kind of editing is the easy stuff. The hard part is world building and character development and getting readers to CARE. Well done!
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Thank you Carol, I appreciate the feedback and guidance. I am definitely not professional writer by any means, this was my first crack at it. I'm sure my old high school grammar teacher would have a field day with this. :-)
My goal was to set the back story scene and not create any specific characters since we are in the early conceptual stages and it is being created over time by many contributors. I imagine it like a cut-scene in a game or general action scene in a movie where we can all go back in later and add the direct character interactions happening within the moment in time to make those personal connections. At this point we haven't even been give the task of deciding what the other types of creatures in the world look like.
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This post has received a 0.78 % upvote from @drotto thanks to: @banjo.
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This post received a 2.5% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @steempowerpics! For more information, click here!
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This post has received a 31.08 % upvote from @buildawhale thanks to: @steempowerpics.
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