My first Steemit post Ever... Whats up?!

I am going to tell you a story of a girl who was able to get up and look forwards with passion and purpose.
Starting again, changed her stars, the only thing was stopping her from living life was her. She is the apo-kara-dokia girl.

This is a letter to a girl who overcame much more than she knows. Girl who was the one who thought to be loved or have love in her life she had to become an object to the world even if it meant pain to herself. She’s the girl who would make herself pass out if it meant inhaling chemicals, drugs, or drinking herself to either hide the pain or make herself feel alive. I see her. She is more than she knows then and then to when she was a single mom learning to take care of life herself by moving states herself has grown so much further. She also overcame the place in her life she would do anything to cause herself harm not just by drugs but with leaving some of the deepest scars with objects all down herself. She thought she was somehow able to keep others pain, make herself numb so she could hold others pain upon herself. She believed she was an object to others pain. She kept silent but tried speaking at times but as a crazy teenager, no one listened or believed her pain, so she kept it to her own body with self-mutilation. She relied on friends and drugs. She moved out at 17 and left town. She broke her mother’s heart many times coming home late or absent to only be on something else. She knew she hurt others but she had so much pain she couldn’t hold any more so she let others get hurt but didn’t like it. She then was caught with cops and sent to group home for the last time (which wasn’t the 1st) she didn’t have much other than a bed, blankets, and a radio.

This radio was sure to change it all around.<<< She no longer could hurt herself, others, or make excuses to not be in the midst of her own mind. She grew up around the mountains and the lord. But little did she care. With that radio daily and going to the mountain adventures was when it really hit her. She loved who she was and knew God did too. She was going to be ok. She then adventured off to job corps where she became a mom at 17. She quit education to live life as a new mother finally getting education couple years later. It was that Christmas before she left job corps is when after telling a dear friend she loved her, she would discover those were the last words she would ever say to her again.

She then came with calling everyone almost each night freaked out everyone near her would die. She probably annoyed them more but she had to know. She distanced herself to anyone much else because the fear of them just dying and leaving. She let herself all these years later leave all of who she is behind. Sure she had friends come and go, and some still stayed to this day and if that is so, then those better consider themselves truly blessed because she was the one to push others away no matter what it took just to pretend to save them. She let herself go, dealt with many times of frustration of fighting to who she really was. She had to be a copy to be loved. Took her many years to figure out to look to that radio again. I see her sitting there in the corner of the kitchen sitting there crying to find out why she isn’t loved. She was reminded who she was and she wasn’t “feeling” loved because she wasn’t loved. She was only loved by God and many others but not she. She didn’t love herself. She stopped her passions, didn’t pursue because her idea of love was something many others follow which is being a carbon copy of the idea of “what’s meant to be” and not what really love is. She found fear in her fitness life because she didn’t fit that ideal copy, and tried many ways to make others love her if only she could do this or that… but nothing worked.

She is now falling in love again… with her. Again. Jesus came over the radio to her again but instead of her friend on there, it was the feeling of acceptance. She may be worn thin, and is learning daily but she is doing what she is today to step out of her comfort that has held her for many years to be called to do things, and learning to love again is one of them. To this her story will always change, she is called the apo-kara-dokia girl because now she looks forward with passion and purpose. She’s learning to be more like peter in the bible, he had prison walls around him but he wasn’t looking back, or sitting there staring at the walls thinking he’s stuck. He was stretching forwards towards his purpose and had the faith of moving forward when bounded to those prison walls so in faith and purpose he was still moving forwards. He made this word from Greek language to give hope of others and his own to keep moving forwards.

She is a girl who is now able to see. But before she didn’t believe she would again. And that was me. She is me.

Jesus saved me with a radio and a friend. So thankyou to the woman and her walk, on the radio in the small town of buffalo. I wonder who that person on the radio was...🤔

Now my logo says a lot of me personally. my personality and my Why... Why I do what i do...

*it may look as if its just three triangles... but I am little OCD which i do certain things in 3 (which is my lucky number)
*I grew up in the big horns so mountains.
*there were three big points in my story
*the top is broken because our and my story will never end or nor do I want it to.

• I will continue to keep stretching forwards as you shall too.

Glad to be here!