well, no, not literally. but you know what i mean
I've run up against a wall
7 years ago by markhinnebusch (26)
I've run up against a wall
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Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet. I've got eight slugs in me. One's lead, and the rest are bourbon. The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver. I'm a private eye. Suddenly my door swung open, and in walked trouble. Brunette, as usual.
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Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious. --Oscar Wilde--
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The Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
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Please excuse my wife. She may appear to be rather nasty, but underneath she has a heart of formica.
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The Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
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Alley's Axiom: Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
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As long as war is looked upon as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. --Oscar Wilde--
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One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscrimiate charity. --Andrew Carnegie--
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Did you see it, Reiger? It was hideous!
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 21: The programmed computer has all the fascination of the pinball machine or the jukebox mechanism, carried to the ultimate. -The Mythical Man-Month Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
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All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the the cleverness of the few. --Stendahl--
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Laws of Programming: #8 - The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer
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Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency. --Raymond Chandler--
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I HATE revolutionary jargon.
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Spock was waiting for them when they got to the conference room. 'Captain, I've run the data we collected through the computer.' 'Well, Spock, you must be a very proud young man. So what's the deal with these council weasels?
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I don't like principles. I prefer prejudices. They are more honest. --Oscar Wilde--
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We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.
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War to the hilt between capitalism and communism is inevitable. Today, of course, we are not strong enough to attack. Our time will come in 20 or 30 years. In order to win, we shall need the element of surprise. The bourgeoisie will have to be put to sleep, so we shall begin by launching the most spectacular peace movement on record. There will be electrifying overtures and unheard of concessions. The capitalist countries, stupid and decadent, will rejoice to cooperate in their own destruction. They will leap at another chance to be friends. As soon as their guard is down, we shall smash them with our clenched fist.-Quoted by Dmitri Z. Manuisky, Lenin School of Political Warfare (1931).
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Oh, 7,000 infantry, 600 artillery, and 2 divisions of paratroops.
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Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet. I've got eight slugs in me. One's lead, and the rest are bourbon. The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver. I'm a private eye. Suddenly my door swung open, and in walked trouble. Brunette, as usual.
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Mind your manners, son! I've got a tall pointy hat!
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Martha's Maxim: If God had meant for us to travel tourist class, He would have made us narrower.
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Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. --Ambrose Bierce--
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Get a life!
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Obscenity is what happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate. --Bertrand Russell--
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The supposed quietude of a good man allures the ruffian; while on the other hand, arms like laws discourage and keep the invader and the plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property. The balance of power is the scale of peace. The same balance would be preserved were all the world destitute of arms, for all would be alike; but since some others them aside... Horrid mischief would ensue were one half the world deprived of the use of them; ... the weak will become the prey to the strong. - Thomas Paine, I Writings of Thomas Paine at 56 (1775).
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Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.
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Scriptures....The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based. --Ambrose Bierce--
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I hate snakes! I hate 'em!!
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 42: The problem was that everybody who was working there, including myself, wanted to do really neat stuff but THEY didn't want neat stuff, they just wanted a lot of stuff fast. -Rick Baker, make-up artist for King Kong, Star Wars, et. al.
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I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 15: The nature of programming being what it is, there is no relationship between the 'size' of the error and the problems it causes. -The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg
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One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscrimiate charity. --Andrew Carnegie--
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Bally Jerry, pranged his kite right in the how's-your-father - hairy blighter, dicky-birded, feathered back on his sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.
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Storage compartments? Storage compartments?
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Benchley's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
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Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. --Oscar Wilde--
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The First Law of Management: Kickbacks must always exceed bribes.
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The Turing Test: A sort of LOVE BOAT for machines. If you survive a week of it, you pass.
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It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. --Gore Vidal--
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In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. --Mark Twain--
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France is th only couontry where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper. --Billy Wilder--
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Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. --Anton Chekhov--
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I tell you, Molly, I like the work so much, I'd do it even if I didn't have to -- by court order, under threat of fine, imprisonment, or both.
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Astrology Law: It's always the wrong time of the month.
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Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash. --P. G. Wodehouse--
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Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy. --Franz Kafka--
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How often does the train go by?
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He's not Santa Claus...He doesn't LOOK like Santa Claus!
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 18: The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten per cent of its capacity - the rest is overhead for the operating system. -Anonymous
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Laws of Programming: #12 - If a program is useless, it will have to be documented If a program is useful it will have to be changed
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Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
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John Cameron's Law: No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
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Now it's time to say goodbye. Please get off my property. Until next year! I suggest you don't dawdle -- the hounds will be released in 10 minutes.
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I haven't time to go chasing after him! There's violence to be done!
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You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it though.
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History would be a wonderful thing -- if only it were true. --H. L. Mencken--
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Take my Worf, please.
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When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in htat excited, abnormal and exhausting condition until death do them part. --George Bernard Shaw--
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You try any preversions in there, and I'll blow your head off.
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Freud is the father of psychoanalysis. It has no mother. --Germaine Greer--
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Liberals, it has been said, are generous with other peoples' money, except when it comes to questions of national survival when they prefer to be generous with other people's freedom and security. William F. Buckley
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The Jews are a frightened people. Twenty centuries of Christian love have broken down their nerves. --Israel Zangwill--
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Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
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If you could have any amount of money... How much would you want?
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It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person to reconcile himself to the idea that after all God will not help him. --H. L. Mencken--
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The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good. --John Barrymore--
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Liberty means responsibility; that is why most men dread it. --George Bernard Shaw--
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A hundred bottles of beer on the wall, a hundred bottles of beer. If one of those bottles should happen to fall, it would shake the very foundations of the Universe. -from Mauve'Bib's 'The Seven Pillows of Wisdom,' edited by the Princess Serutan
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 11: 'Programming' - like 'loving' - is a single word that encompasses an infinitude of activities. -The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg
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It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man. --Albert Einstein--
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It's silly to go on pretending that under the skin we are all brothers. The truth is more likely that under the skin we are all cannibals, assassins, traitors, liars and hypocrites. --Henry Miller--
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'Gay' used to be one of the most agreeable words in the language. Its appropriation by a notably morose group is an act of piracy. --Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.--
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Laws of Programming: #16 - Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find out that programmers cannot write in English
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Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1) When in doubt, mumble. 2) When in trouble, delegate. 3) When in charge, ponder.
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Grosch's Law: #1 Computing power increases as the square of the cost increases, if you want to do it twice as cheap you have to do it four times as fast.
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Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
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This man is no ordinary man. This is Mr. F. G. Superman.
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...the rank and file are usually much more primitive than we imagine. Propaganda must therefore always be essentially simple and repetitious. -- Joseph Goebbels - Nazi Propaganda Minister
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It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where can we go?
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Troutman's Programming Law: #1 If a test installation function's perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
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Patience........A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. --Ambrose Bierce--
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What I gained by being in France was learning to be better satisfied with my own country. --Samual Johnson--
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 19: We stand at the brink of a new age, an age made possible by the revolution that is embodied in the computer. Standing on the brink, we could totter either way - to a golden age of liberty or a dark age of tyranny, either of which would surpass anything the world has ever known. Perhaps no individual's efforts will make any difference in the result, but we must never cease trying, for then the result is sure to be tyranny. -The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg
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All Lord Julius demands is total and complete obedience and more money every time we pay him. He's being quite reasonable, really...
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Barr's Comment on Domestic Tranquility: On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy -- but we'll work on it.
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One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscrimiate charity. --Andrew Carnegie--
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I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest. --Alexandre Dumas--
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Murphy's Law, Version No. 19: As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
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No wonder he has the posture of a boiled shrimp!
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It's funny, I hate the itching, but I don't mind the swelling.
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Lousy stinking radicals,' he opines,figure the law is there for you to hide behind... Well, the law isn't there for you to hide behind, it's there for us to hide behind... the good and law-abiding people of this great city-state.' His fists are like twin sledgehammers dealing out pure and righteous justice...You're either with us or against us, vermin... That's what freedom's all about.' His roach-sense floods the room... ping! ping! ping! And detects the presence of a heavily unarmed malcontent...Taste boot, scum...'Downvoting a post can decrease pending rewards and make it less visible. Common reasons:
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The Third Corollary to Murphy's Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
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The last Christian died on the cross. --Anonymous--
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Martha's Maxim: If God had meant for us to travel tourist class, He would have made us narrower.
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 9: For locating errors, however, we want a person who has the persistence of a mother-in-law and the collecting instincts of a pack rat. -The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg
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The Aquinas Axiom: What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
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Mr. Canal, stop this instant! I must ask that you refrain from knife-fighting in the White House!
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What number is this, Chip?
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