with everything that is happening, I'm a bit uncomfortable. I'd really love some inspirational posts.
rough waters ahead
7 years ago by markhinnebusch (26)
rough waters ahead
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The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --George Bernard Shaw--
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Get a life!
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Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies. --Honore' De Balzac--
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It's real handy, havin' an Elder God in the band, eh?
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Did you know the phone company uses the bone marrow of Third World babies to make microchips?
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I'm afraid I'm going to have to operate. It's nothing to worry about, although it is EXTREMELY dangerous.
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We're not laughing at you -- we're laughing near you.
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Benchley's Distinction: There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
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An historian is nothing more than an unsuccessful novelist. --H. L. Mencken--
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He's a born-again Christian. The trouble is, he suffered brain damage during rebirth. --Anonymous--
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Alley's Axiom: Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
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If there is one basic element in our Constitution, it is civilian control of the military. --- President Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)
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Politics....Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --Ambrose Bierce--
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Oh, I don't want a great bat flapping round my neck.
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Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws: 1) That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly. 2) If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.
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The supposed quietude of a good man allures the ruffian; while on the other hand, arms like laws discourage and keep the invader and the plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property. The balance of power is the scale of peace. The same balance would be preserved were all the world destitute of arms, for all would be alike; but since some others them aside... Horrid mischief would ensue were one half the world deprived of the use of them; ... the weak will become the prey to the strong. - Thomas Paine, I Writings of Thomas Paine at 56 (1775).
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Abrams's Advice: When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
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Billing's Law: Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. --P. G. Wodehouse--
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All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the the cleverness of the few. --Stendahl--
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Human war has been the most successful of our cultural traditions. --Robert Ardrey--
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You know, liquidity. Point-of-sale. Margin accounts. Fast lane.
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If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stomping on a human face -- forever. --George Orwell--
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They're an insidious bunch, your killer pianos. Had one get loose on me back in '62. It slipped out of the cables while we were lowering it out of its twelfth story apartment, and crushed six innocents in an insane bid for freedom.
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Bok's Law: If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance.
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Oh thank God! I thought it was a twiching, lemon-sized brain tumor.
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It's a dessert topping AND a floor wax!
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Ah, monsieur. And how are we today?
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Look! It's trying to think!
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Logic is a tweeting bird, chirping in your ear. Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad.
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What a pinhead! Does he not fear us?!
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Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess. --Oscar Wilde--
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The part I think I'd like best is crushing people who get in my way.
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We, the People are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts - not to overthrow the Constitution, but to overthrow men who pervert the Constitution. - A. Lincoln
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Oh, great altar of passive entertainment, bestow upon me thy discordant images at such speed as to render linear thought impossible!
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A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. --George Bernard Shaw--
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Lafayette's Reprisal: The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
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Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? --Jules Feiffer--
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It is in vain, Sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace! -- but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the North will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that Gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!' - Patrick Henry (1736-1799) in his famous 'The War Inevitable' speech, March, 1775
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Like all reputable surgeons, I charge by the pound...
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Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 22: The programmer, like the poet, works only slightly removed from pure thought-stuff. -The Mythical Man-Month Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
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Now it's time to say goodbye. Please get off my property. Until next year! I suggest you don't dawdle -- the hounds will be released in 10 minutes.
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Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. --Anton Chekhov--
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Have you ever seen a spleen that large?
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Baxter's First Law: Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living.
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The English nobleman came home early to find his wife with her lover. Angrily he reached for his shotgun and aimed at the interloper. Just then, his butler whispered in his ear, 'You're a sportsman, sir; get him on the rise.
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My side of the woods abounds in natural scenic splendor. Your side wallows in decay and filth. My territory is infinitely superior to yours.
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Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some sheep's testicles for a bet...God, that bloody sheep kicked him...
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Bruce-Brigg's Law of Traffic: At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
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Jane, you ignorant slut.
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Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash. --P. G. Wodehouse--
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Now hear this! The father/son sack race will begin in 5 minutes on the north lawn. Participation is MANDATORY, repeat MANDATORY!
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Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. --Sinclair Lewis--
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Did you know the phone company uses the bone marrow of Third World babies to make microchips?
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The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts 'Of course it's none of my business but...' is to place a period after the word 'but'. Don't use excessive force in supplying such morons with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
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We interviewers are more than a match for the likes of you, Two-Sheds!
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How do you do your squid?
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MY SENSORS INDICATE TRACE AMOUNTS OF CHOCOLATE IN THE PANTRY. PLEASE LOAD SOME IN MY SCOOP FOR ANALYSIS.
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Laws of Programming: #15 - Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer to maintain it
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Fine. How do you do, sir?
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Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education. --Bertrand Russell--
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Home...? We're on an express elevator to HECK!
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History would be a wonderful thing -- if only it were true. --H. L. Mencken--
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 47: The computer 'Doth make fools of us all'. -The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg
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Mahr's Law of Restrained Involvement: Don't get any on you.
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What about these commandments then?
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Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other 'sins' are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful - just stupid.)
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Laws of Programming: #1 - Every non-trivial program has at least one bug Corollary 1: A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs. Corollary 2: At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization
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Beware of people who tell you that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing - unless they quickly add that no knowledge is a fatal thing. They are trying to make you more vulnerable, not more wise.
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How's Law: Every man has a scheme that will not work.
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My side of the woods abounds in natural scenic splendor. Your side wallows in decay and filth. My territory is infinitely superior to yours.
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The idea of a good society is something you do not need a religion and eternal puhishment to buttress; you need a religion if you are terrified of death. --Gore Vidal--
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There is no limit to how gently you can apply a big hammer, but there definitely is to how hard you can hit with a small one.
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Laws of Programming: #4 - A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup
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It could probably be shown be facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class -- except Congress. --Mark Twain--
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 48: Any fool without the ability to share a laugh on himself will be unable to tolerate programming for long. -The Psychology of Computer Programming, Gerald M. Weinberg
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The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to be good. --John Barrymore--
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It is almost impossible systematically to constitue a natural moral law. Nature has no principles. She furnishes us with no reason to believe that human life is to be respected. Nature, in her indifference, makes no disctinction between good and evil. --Anatole France--
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This is not a lending library. Put the magazine back or I'll blow your heads off.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, seldom can it have been a greater pleasure and privilege than it is for me now to announce that the next award gave me the great pleasure and privilege of asking a man without whose ceaseless energy and tireless skill the British Film Industry would be today.
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It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
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Stupidity is not a sin. The victim can't help being stupid. Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime. The sentence is death; there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.
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OK, like don't get excited, man. It's 'cause I'm short, I know.
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Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood, but he's not soft.
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Regrettable that this society has chosen suicide.
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Wohl's Riddle: Q. What is so rare as a day in June? A. A day in February, which is 6.7% more rare; except in leap year when it is still 3.3% more rare. -- R. Wohl
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Are there many fires in Norway?
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I will point out that a lady of refinement would not wish to be found so high in a tree.
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Approval Seeker's Law: Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
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Grierson's Law of Minimal Self-Delusion: Every man nourishes within himself a secret plan for getting rich that will not work.
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Really, now, Powers. Had I intended for educated men to read that nonsense, I would have used smaller type...
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I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentleman, so please, why don't you return to your porch rockers and resume whittling?
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Boob's Law: You always find something the last place you look.
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You have an annoying fascination for timepieces, Mr. Sulu.
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Fred Allen's Law: I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
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Thoughts on Programming, Number 51: The computer always has an excuse: the programmer never does. -Mark C. Davison
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Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up.
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Gordon's First Law: If a project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.
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The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. --H. L. Mencken--
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