There's something in the water down there in Florida, my money is on that "something" being meth mixed in with a tinge of mental illness. In a recent "Florida Man" story a brave patriot took it upon himself to go out of the way to warn Space Force about messages he has been receiving psychically from the President of the United States.
First off I want to say that I can't believe we have a "Space Force." It was one thing when we were wasting boatloads of money on NASA until Elon Musk came along and showed the world that the entire process can be completed for a fraction of the amount of money that NASA was spending but Space Force? Really? I don't even know what they do but the name alone suggests that it is some sort of weaponization of outer space and honestly, who came up with the name? Did they poll a bunch of 2nd graders about what they think the name should be?
Moving back to non-governmental crazy for a little while. This courageous Floridian named Corey Johnson had been receiving mind-messages that only he could hear from none other than the President. He felt it was his patriotic duty to inform Space Force about the inevitable war between dragons and aliens that would eventually spill over into the human realm if not dealt with quickly.
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So urgent was his mission that being in a situation of not actually owning a car was not going to get in the way of his objective for saving the entirety of humanity. Something had to be done to save the world and extreme measures needed to be taken to insure that Corey's message was heard by the higher ups, face-to-face, at the nearby Space Force base.
He could have just chosen any available vehicle but as luck would have it, the gods provided him with one of the most majestically oversized road yachts available to humankind.
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While this is not the vehicle directly used in his mission from the President, all Ford F-150's are in my opinion, extremely huge trucks that could probably break through the Space Force fence in the off chance that his appeal for the human-race to save itself from dragons and aliens fell on deaf ears.
Another interesting twist in the story that nobody could have seen coming, it turns out that the aliens involved in this outer space war were fighting on behalf of the United States (thank god!) but were being assaulted endlessly by Chinese dragons. This does indeed sound like something that needs to be brought up to the necessary parties, and Mr. Johnson went for the most scientifically advanced branch of the US government at a nearby Space Force base.
The FOOLS at the entrance denied Mr. Johnson entry to the base, thus insuring the demise of the western world should the dragons find a way to get through the American alien's defenses.
Instead of recognizing his obvious psychic abilities and intense bravado and dedication to not only the United States but humanity at large, the Space Force guards had him arrested and charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle and put him in jail where he got bail at a mere $3000. If you are at all concerned about the future of humanity and how patriots like Corey Johnson are merely trying to save us all from being conquered by Chinese dragons, I suggest you go and find his gofundme. I'm certain the President could do this directly but then he would accidentally reveal to the world that he has psychic powers and communicates with random Floridians to alert the world of potential endgame- scenario dangers.
I once again encourage you to look up your own "Florida Man" scenario. Simply type your birthday minus the year and "florida man" into a search and I guarantee you will see some crazy situation that happened in one of our most glorious states.
